I don't know about you guys but I was born in a small little town near the West Bank called Afula in a small little country known as Israel. Now, I watch the evening news and read the morning gazette like the rest of America, and I must tell you that the media is portraying my home country in a very interesting light. For those of you who've never been to the middle-east, your vision of Israel is probably very skewed. Which is why I've decided to do my part to inform the college population on the truth about Israel, and dispel any rumors that are probably circulating amongst college campuses. (from this point on, I will be referring to "Israel" as "Israel" for short.)
Myth: Israel is a giant desert wasteland.
Fact: Only half of Israel is a desert wasteland. This area is known as the Negev Desert. Negev being an acronym for : "Never Ever Go! Even Vegetables!" But let it be known, that although the southern half of Israel is a desert wasteland, the top half is a dessert wasteland! It rains cupcakes and the streets are made of cheesecake! No wonder Krispy Kreme headquarters is located only 15,000 miles away from this sweet place! Jew-licious!
Myth: Israel is a giant battlefield.
Fact: Although we only hear about the skirmishes and gunfire that occur in Israel, these events usually take place in the West Bank or the Gaza Strip. The same could be said about North America! Although people in Europe often hear about our crazy Canadians or wacky Mexicans, most of those freaks live above or below us! Think of Israel as a twinkie. As long as you can avoid the spongey orange nonsense, there's a lot of sweet cream filling in the middle to get to! But instead of cream filling, its falafels! And instead of Israel" [end metaphor]
Myth: In Israel, everybody eats coconut milk and drinks sandwiches!
Fact: Contrary to popular belief, the food in Israel is Outs-mazing! They can fit mostly everything inside of a pita (breaded chicken breasts, salads, French fries, falafels, hummus) and whatever doesn't fit is grounded up and dranken! Drinken? Drunken? According to my Microsoft word, the correct word is: Drunken. Who the ef knew that!?
Myth: Israel is a giant desert wasteland. Also, my short term memory is so shot, I literally can't remember the beginning of this article.
Fact: Ha Ha! What?
Myth: I'm going to be socially ostracized for this article, both by Israelis and Arabs for making light of a very serious situation in the middle east.
Fact: Yeah, no" that's pretty much true.
Myth: No Hotlinks today! SORRY!!
Fact: (long list of hotlinks)
Quick mentions: First, MagsForCheap (Year 'o Maxim + Stuff = $10) for sponsoring this update and Neil's new column. Word up, son.