Undoubtedly, American Pie has affected a generation of young men towards other people's moms. Are MILFs truly so desirable? Having actually gone on a date with a MILF who was 10 years my senior, I have first hand experience in handling the most unstable/irrational women ever. Ever.

Personally, I'd say MILFs are not worth the bragging rights. Here's why MILFs can be undesirable:

1. By definition they have a kid. Do you really want some little bastard calling you uncle or even worse, daddy? Also, who knows what happens to the pipes after dumping out something the size of a football? Consult your local building inspector.

2. Inside all that emotional baggage she's got more explosives than Al-Qaeda; primed and waiting to go off at the words "Ex" or "Divorce". If you do blurt out something that sets her off, you will be stuck listening to a 45-minute rant about how restraining orders are a violation of amendment rights.

3. She's a mom with bills to pay. This means she has relentless attraction to anything or anyone that screams provider. MILFs are the only women impressed by your internship at McDonalds. If you give her the opportunity she will cling to you in a squid-like death grip, until your will is the spiritual equivalent of Steven Hawking. Do I hear wedding bells? MILFs are like retarded octopi that never let go and refuse to be scared away. If all a jilted MILF sprays at you is ink, you got off lucky.

4. Assuming the real father is not serving a life sentence, he will get out of prison eventually. Chances are good that he is sharpening a shiv with your name on it. And he knows how to use it.

5. Having a C-section described to you during dinner tends to kill any sexual desire you once had toward a woman. I will never look at steak the same way.

So that's why I think MILFs are overrated. While senior citizen discounts are pretty sweet they just aren't worth the loads and loads and loads of emotional baggage she is U-Hauling around with her. Not the little U-haul either, the big one that requires a commercial license to operate.

After you've banged her, your exit strategy should be to duck your head and cover your genitals while sprinting out of the bedroom. Don't hesitate, exit in one fluid motion. Just hop off her, hit the floor in a shoulder roll, scoop your clothes up, and rush for the door. Any children or pets that block the way should be stiff-armed or punted as necessary. Unless of course, you'd LIKE having a penis with some assembly required. In that case, by all means stay in the room and attempt to break it off with her while at the same time defusing the MILFs irrational fear of abandonment (well ok maybe it is rational).

Good luck MacGyver. Although there are exceptions to the rule, MILFs are best used in fits of horny desperation or to taunt one's friends. In either case – Brian your mom is sooo hot! Seriously, hook the number up bro.

This update has been sponsored by Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz, who are giving away this awesome cell piece. Yeeeeeeeeeah! Now enjoy these hotlinks and have a shitfaced fourth of July weekend.