It's that time of year again! The time of year when places that were once cold and covered in sheeted ice and misery begin to thaw and residents who have no business wearing shorts and a belly shirt go out with pale pasty flesh to revel in the newborn sun! The time of year when places that were already warm and nice just stay about the same but people who live there have a slightly tougher time rubbing in the fact that they live in a pleasant climate! And it's only during this time of year that the movie companies fill our wet panties with load upon load of cinematic excellence. In fact, they make our movie-going burden so great, that those of us without a rich daddy and his shiny plastic cards have tough choices to make when we zip our Razor Scooters to CineIplexMax 50.
Unslip that noose from your necks, oh ye of little patience! I've come to save you with a conjecture-rife breakdown of the films you CAN and CAN'T miss over your 90 days of bliss!
Van Helsing: Doesn't it feel like this movie should be out already? There have been previews for this for something like a decade. Whenever I get slightly pumped about it, I realize it's probably only a pretend movie created by Pepsi so there's less spots on TV for Coke to buy.
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: Besides having the longest name of any of the upcoming summer popcorn binges, this movie also boasts the most potentially annoying opening-day audience. At least when you go to see a nerd movie you know that no one's going to be using the theatre as a babysitting placation device. The only place you'll see more ridiculous looking glasses on the patrons will be at a Dashboard Confessional show, and those kids aren't even dressing up!
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: Whoops, I wrote that last preview before seeing the title to this one. I actually think this could be quite cool. It's all in black and white and it looks like it should be a cartoon but it's not! Ewan McGregor is reprising his character from "Big Fish" in sort of a prequel where we get to see all his army adventures when he got distracted from falling in love with that blonde girl. All in all, should be a fun and watchable flick.
The Terminal: Obviously a ploy to trick people who really liked The Terminator. FOLKS, THIS MOVIE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TERMINATORS OR BATTLING IN THE FUTURE! Because of this, I cannot suggest you see this movie.
Blade: Trinity: Not since Aliens vs. Predator have so many greasy kids been excited about a film! The Wachowski's lend their most popular male character, Trinity, to the bustling loins of half-human, half-vampire Blade. I loved Blade 2, so this should be equally as entertaining.
Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid: My god! Another long title! I give up!
So there you have it; a comprehensive list of all the films coming out along with detailed, full-fledged reviews. Feel confident as you stride into the theatre you're informed!
1. And if you like movies, I need to give a shout out to my fellow filmmaker Bobby Miller who just made it into the finals for mtvU's Animation Contest! His movie is called "Roger and Stubbs," and you can see it here.
2. Court's got a new issue of points in case out, so be sure to check that out.
3. If you're into video games, learn more about E3 (aka your Mecca) right here.
And now, straight from the kitchen, a nice helping of hotlinks