Doing laundry is God. So why do we collegians act as if it's more of a bane than hangover dry mouth?
Your physics lab has a deadline. Declaring a major, deadline. Term papers, library books, signing up for classes, deadline, deadline, deadline. Laundry however knows no time constraints. And therefore we put it off as long as possible.
We re-wear jeans indefinitely, give shirts the smell test, and even go commando just to delay coming face to face with the dreaded spin cycle. We borrow clothes, wear pajamas to class, or simply don't leave our rooms to put off the white/color separation another day.
Stop this! Stop your idiocy and realize the power doing laundry possesses. In it lie infinite opportunities to initiate interaction with the gender of your preference. Many a walk of shame has resulted from a simple, "do you have any quarters?" Relationships have been broken due to acts stemming from a "can I borrow your basket?"
Additionally, you never know who will be doing laundry the same time as you. What better non-alcoholic situation (I have yet to learn a laundry drinking game) to end up getting lucky? Think about it, you're in a secluded basement, there's a comfortable constant background noise, dim lighting, vibrating machines and aromatic fabric softener! Really, what else are you going to do while all your clothes turn blue and shrink, read? Plus, you've already got Ricky's fail-safe laundry room pick-up line to work with (see headline of this article).
Everyone does laundry eventually. The hot chick from psych, that guy from the bar, even your RA does laundry (double points for macking it with an RA, triple for a hall director). Everyone does laundry except those weenies who commute home to let mom do it on the weekends. But they don't get any anyways since, well, they're the type who go home on the weekends.
So put off your work yet again. Grab that dirty heap in the corner of your room, ask someone attractive for detergent, and reap the sexual glories of doing laundry. And guys, when you and whoever else do your thing amidst the dryers, splurge for an extra cycle. It's way cheaper than buying her a beer.
Just like Jay-Z and Nas, Steve and Aaron are back at it again. Who will be King of New York this time? Steve Hofstetter, representing Queens with his new column "Pitchers and Catchers" or Aaron Karo, representing Long Island with his new column "Nocturnal Admission?" Let the ballin' begin.
Oh, and if this laundry thing workks out really well, you'll want to be able to keep it up. So check out our sponsor HaveAWoody.com if you need help in that department. Now hit up these hotlinks.