We address a lot right here at CollegeHumor.com. Serious stuff like holidays, and video games, and crap we make up. Sometimes, we even write half-assed updates making fun of standup comedians even though we don't have the balls to try being one ourselves (take that, Nick). But rarely do we address the lighter side of life. That's why I wanted to take it upon myself to address the ever whimsical debate about racism.
There actually is a debate about racism, which is nuts. I figured by now we all realized that foreign chicks are hot, and thus racism is a moot idea. But our lives are filled with it, especially if you go to school in one of the three dozen states that only has white people.
I could never be racist. Not just because I think it's a ridiculous concept but because my sister is black. And I don't say that to mean that we're all brothers and sisters. We're not; there are enough people I'm already ashamed of being related to, I don't need to add you to the family. What I mean is that my older sister Sharon is actually adopted and black.
I tell people that sometimes and they congratulate me like I helped pick her out. "Oh, mom, get that one! She's tan, I like that. Who cares if I won't be born for another year, listen to me! She'll give me street cred."
Growing up with a black sister prevents me from ever being racist. Because racists form generalizations about people based on the first person they meet of that skin color. So I'd grow up and sit around with a bunch of racists. What would I say? "Man, I hate black people. Always reading my diary. And taking forever in the shower something's got to be done!"
We're also a Jewish family, which means Sharon is a black Jewish woman. I told her she should run for president just to see how many people would try to kill her at once. She'd told me that she'd get a bubble car like the pope, but her bubble car would need a bubble car. That's that sense of humor that black Jewish women are legendary for. Thank you for paving that road, Whoopi.
Sharon does have a great sense of humor about it. When she was 14 and went to a meeting for a Jewish youth group, some Jerk asked her if she was really Jewish. She said, "no, I come for the food." Those Jews do have good food, you know.
I also have a Christian foster brother in his 40s who lives in upstate New York. Seriously. I think my parents were trying to write their own crappy buddy cop film.
"Let's pair a middle-aged white Christian guy from the country with a black Jewish twenty-something from New York City. And get this they're somehow related."
All I know is it'd be better than Turner and Hooch.
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