Dear Joe College,

Ok, so this isn't really so much a question as it is a warning and a request for personal assurance… One of my friend's sorority sisters was kind enough to spread her STD to an entire hot tub full of half naked people at a party, including my friend. No one even knew what it was until they went to the On-campus clinic and they'd say "I was in a hot tub…" No questions asked, they were given medicine to clear it right up.

So my question is, How can we ever feel safe promenading half-naked into hot tubs with random people ever again?? If this happened once, it can most definitely happen again. And maybe next time to me, or even to YOU! Is there any sure way to guarantee that we can avoid this?

Avoiding Hot Tubs,
Heather


My Dearest Heather,

So what kind of STD are we talking about here? Last I heard, most STD's couldn't travel in a hot tub, unless there was some other stuff traveling around, if you know what I mean. And I know you do, because your friend's sorority sister is obviously you! You thought you'd disguise yourself by saying you didn't have a question and then asking a question anyway, but I am on to you! Like everyone else in that hot tub.

So your question is, "how can I be a cheap slut and not suffer the consequences?" And my answer is, you can't! But don't let that stop you from being a cheap slut. If cheap slutting is your thing, you go to it, you cheap slut, you.

Dear Joe College-

I'm 17 and a freshman at VT. I dont turn 18 until May 28. Does this mean all the guys I have been hooking up with are doing illegal things with me cuz that would suck [more than my roommate, who is a whore ;) ] I mean the number isnt that high for considering all the other hookupage going around but for a Mormon, its pretty darn high. I already know I'm going to mormon hell but I dont want to send anyone to jail. This is stupid . I hate the American legal system and its dumb laws outlawing blowjobs in certain states. I bet Virginia is one of those states. whatever BYE!

Mary-Catherine


To the Dope MC That Rocks a Mic Right,

The age of consent in Virginia is indeed 18 – which is ironic because that helps keep the "Virgin" in "Virginia". I don't know if blowjobs are legal in Virginia, but when I typed that into Google, I found all kinds of very educational sites that kept me busy for three and a half minutes before I remembered your question. Don't worry though, I bookmarked them.

The answer to your question is simple – sexual activity with you is illegal for anyone over 19. But as you get older, things will change. For instance, you will learn grammar and punctuation and find out that no one has ever been arrested for giving a blowjob in college. Also, the best way to avoid these guys going to jail is by not broadcasting the fact that you've blown more guys than birthday candles.

Incidentally, if you hate the American legal system, you can move to, say, Afghanistan, where you can give all the blowjobs you like to your arranged husband from beneath your burkha.

Thanks for writing. This was Joe College saying, "Virginia ain't so bad, now, huh?"

Got a question about an aspect of college life? Want to be made fun of? Then this is the place for you! Send all your college-related questions to joecollege AT observationalhumor DOT com.

Dean has two new columns out today- Advice from a Sophomore and Lord of the Rings; King of the Geeks.So check those. And if you're a fan of timeless good rock music, check out Bob Dylan's new DVD. And finally, Ned Ryerson of Groundhog Day fame says… "Check out these hotlinks!"