It seems like only a couple months ago we were uncorking bottles of champagne and bringing in the new year. But with 2004 basically over and done with, I felt it necessary to take a look back at one of the most fleeting years in recent memory. It came and went, but let us not forget the lasting images and special stories that we will take with us forever. Please Enjoy 2004: A YEAR IN REVIEW.
I'm not a girl, not yet a" WIFE?!? That's right, boys and girls, few people remember it, but the story of 2004 was probably Britney Spears's marriage, and subsequent annulment to her longtime childhood friend Jason Alexander. What was she thinking? Well, CollegeHumor caught up with Britney for an exclusive interview. Britney explained, "I'm super super hot but I'm also a media whore. When my "buzz factor" in Hollywood drops even one iota, I freak out and do whatever it takes, to be the talk of the town." She's so candid! (kissy face)
2004 was a slow year for Hollywood with only three movies coming out, but none more rambunctious than "My Baby's Daddy." Was it a comedy, was it a blacksploitation film, was it a sci-fi thriller? It was a comedy. "My Baby's Daddy" was so hilarious, it made Lord of the Rings part III seem like Bad Boys part ONE! I meant Part two. For both movies.
2004 was also the coldest year of all time, bringing an endless supply of winter, all year long. The northeast experienced record lows in both Fahrenheit AND Celsius, and it was so cold in California, somebody was rumored to say "Sheesh its kinda nippy, maybe I should bring a sweatshirt." However, he then followed that sentiment up with a resounding, "Nah "
One of the biggest debaucles of 2004 was probably the absence of the Summer Olympic Games. Schedule to be in Late August in Athens, the Olympics just never came! When contacted for a comment, the International Olympic Committee responded with "Of course they haven't happened, its only January." Yah, right. What are you going to tell Bobby Teenager, in anytown USA who waited four years to watch his favorite gymnast perform? Or Little Suzy Anybody, who stayed up passed her 9pm bedtime in hopes to catch the first round of the Cuba Vs. Belize wrestling match? I'm sorry, it's only January?!? It's time to get your butt in gear, and you better start now, because 2005 is almost over, and you guys have made NO progress in righting these wrongs.
In local news, I spent New Years at a soup kitchen because I heard that's where "the rave" was going down. Well, unless raves consist of homeless people eating soup, then I was completely swindled. In hindsight I should have dropped the ecstacy pills AFTER scoping out the situation. Needless to say that was the best split pea soup I had ever licked off of a dirty woman's body in quite some time. I entered Gary's House of Help a bewildered child, but left as a man.
Well, unless I am forgetting anything, those were the highlites of the year that was. I hope everybody kept their new years resolutions longer than I did! I SWEAR I'LL GO TO THE GYM EVERY DAY IN 2005. HAH! MORE LIKE" NOT GO TO THE GYM! All right, great talk. See ya later.
Oh, and if you're the type of person who likes HILARIOUS OBSERVATIONAL HUMOR, then be sure to read Steve's new hilarious Observation Humor. And now HOTLINKS!