There are two types of all male bathrooms. The first type has toilet paper all over the place, water dripping from the side of the sink, and porno magazines strewn all over the floor. The second type has toilet paper all over the place, water dripping from the side of the sink, and a neat little stack of porno magazines in the corner.

When they designed the new bathrooms in one of my campus dorms, they specifically designed the windows so they only opened at the top in order to prevent people from pissing out of them on to unsuspecting passers-by. Stand tall collegiate America – it may be forced, but we've shed our proverbial tales and evolved one step closer to being human.

Some guys say that the reason why they piss on the seat is because it was dark and they couldn't find the light. Ever thought of sitting down?

It's rough to be the only male in the hallway of an all girls dorm when someone discovers piss on the seat. Even if you haven't gone to that bathroom in two weeks, let alone pissed on its seat, it's your fault just for being anatomically able to.

I'm old enough that I accepted girls going to the bathroom together a long time ago. But what scares me is when it happens in a suite with a one-person bathroom. I don't particularly care what is going on in there – I just want to know how they fit.

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