There's one CD compilation that advertises "today's hottest dance music", and they lead with C&C Music factory. I bought it right away, and then I put on my leg warmers and snap bracelets and roller-skated to the premier of "Rambo."

The E! True Hollywood story says that they tell the story you never heard. Dana Plato? Mariel Hemmingway? Herve Villachez? Sure I've never heard those stories. I don't think I was listening.

It's okay for a college to make a TV commercial. But if they do, at least use students that are not really frightening. Do you remember that old commercial for Drake Institute, with everyone saying "Hey Drake, give me a break"? My favorite was the guy who said "Ha Dwaake, ge ma a baaake". That year there was a 30% increase in applications among students who sounded like they were melting.

Have you ever seen "Street Smarts"? That's the show where a host walks around malls, parks, and other public places to prove that society is crumbling.

My impression of the Psychic Friends Network: "I'm looking at the taro cards and they tell me that your life sucks. That'll be $2.95." Of course your life sucks – you're calling the damn Psychic Friends Network. How hard would it be to guess this guy's future? "The cards are telling me that you live in a trailer, work at Arby's, and one of your relatives just died – otherwise you wouldn't have enough disposable income to call me."

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