God had to know what he was doing when he made pot smell so strongly. Imagine if this were true for other illegal things. "Hey, do you smell armed robbery?" "Yeah. It's the guy at the end of the hall." "Man, I hate that guy. The least he can do when he's robbing a bank is close his damn door."

There's a difference between pot as a recreation and as a lifestyle. It's a recreation when you hear your friend mention it every few weeks. It's a lifestyle when people think your friend's first name is "do you smoke?"

Coffee shops sell magazines. Bagel stores sell orange juice. Shoe stores sell socks. Why don't drug dealers sell Doritos?

I once told a friend of mine he looked stoned, and he asked how I could tell. It wasn't the glassy eyes or the goofy expression on his face – it was the fact that he spent the last half hour saying "dude, I am so f-ing stoned!"

I guess pot makes people nicer. I'm constantly hearing people say "Hey, you want some pot?" Does this happen with anything else that expensive? "Hey, I just bought a bunch of caviar. You want some? If you like it, I know where you can get more."

Like this column? Then buy the book!