Thanksgiving is the best holiday to find out who is rich and who isn't. The rich people fly across the country for two days, while the poor people try to find their closest friend who lives in the area. Thanksgiving also comes at the perfect time – right before papers are due and a few weeks worth of finals, and all you have to distract you from getting your work done is a big meal at the beginning of the four day weekend. So you end up sleeping til 2:00 and watching whatever bad movies TBS is playing. When you get back to school Monday, all you can think of is how much you could use a four day weekend.

Some campuses are incorrectly politically correct when it comes to winter holidays. The traditional "Merry Christmas" is now followed by "Happy Hanukkah" and "Happy Kwaanza." But what gets me is when people say "Happy Ramadan." Do they have any idea how solemn Ramadan is? That's like wishing an Organic Chemistry major a Happy Finals Week.

Valentine's Day at school is weird. All the couples make out in the middle of campus, all the single girls write poetry about how bad Valentine's Day is, and all the single guys try to get the single girls drunk so they'll stop writing poetry and hook up with them.

What happened to all the little holidays we used to get off for in high school? Election Day? Veterans Day? Presidents Day? Are these not holidays anymore? What, do they think Lincoln's a great guy but not quite cool enough to get a three-day weekend? But how much fun is it when you have a little sibling still in school at the end of June and you've been out since May 15th? Probably the same amount of fun they have when they watch you pack your bags at the end of August.

Birthdays at school are either great or awful. If everyone knows it's your birthday, it's because it's on a weekend and people take you out and give you free drinks the whole night. If your birthday falls on a Tuesday night then no one will know it's your birthday, and you spend half the day trying to remind them, and the other half finishing the paper that's due the next day. If your birthday is over the summer, then no one cares. But if you turn 21 during the school year, it will be the most glorious night of your life, until you realize it's the one night when the bouncer doesn't card you.

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