Some schools have you fill out a detailed questionnaire before they room you. They ask your likes, dislikes, ethnicity, habits, sleeping patterns, and shoe size. Then they enter all the data in a computer, use complicated algorithms to find the closest mathematical matches, and pick your roommate's name out of a hat.

Not getting along with your roommate is understandable. But have you ever noticed the person you know who talks about how they don't get along with their roommate every single semester? Who do you think is the problem?

I'd love to see one more section on a roommate compatibility questionnaire…
"Do you plan to have a permanent girlfriend or boyfriend? If yes, will they
a) visit regularly
b) visit while you're hooking up with someone else, requiring your roommate to distract him/her
c) constantly sleep over, even when you're not there, and have all of his/her phone calls forwarded
d) have a single and let me sleep over constantly
G-d bless the kid who picks D. They are the true roommate king.

Ever have your roommate's parents tell you way too much? You're taking a message from their mom and she's like "tell him that his grandmother came out of the operation fine, the divorce papers finally went through, and that the doctor says it's not leprosy—but the herpes tests haven't come back yet." Thanks. I can sleep much easier now.

There are two main types of bad roommates. There's the kind that has no concern for your well being – keeping you up until 5:00, turning the music louder while you study, and letting their girlfriend or boyfriend move in. But that's nothing compared to the kind that seeks to actively destroy you – erasing your wipe-off board whenever possible, rearranging your books just for fun, and putting beer cans all around when your parents visit. This is the kind of roommate that you'd like to see give you a default 4.0.

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