By Mike Trapp
1. Identify the person who sits in front of you. Find where they sleep. Shave your notes into the back of his head. 2. Hire a skywriter to write your notes on the heavens themselves. Sit by a window. 3. Learn Morse code. Translate your textbook into a series of long and short clanging sounds. Record the sounds. Hide it in the air vents and complain about the construction they’re always doing on campus. 4. Write a catchy pop song that incorporates the major points of your class. Hire music producer Max Martin to produce your song with the disposable pop starlet of the week. Listen as the radio plays this song 50 times every day for the next 3 months. The course material is now stuck in your head. 5. Break almost every bone in your body in a horrible skiing accident. Have your friends write your class notes on your cast instead of their names. Wonder if you’ll ever walk again. 6. Bribe the author of your textbook to release a new edition of the book that you wrote yourself with things that are interesting to you. Convince your professor to use the more current version of the text book for the class. 7. Go to war. Look at your textbook each time you experience some new horror from all the killing. All the killing. Your PTSD-induced flashbacks will now include the course material! 8. Spend several days before the test reviewing the material you learned that year. Memorize it all. Use the facts you memorized to present a false impression of understanding the material.