-We all know that college classes are a huge joke. Why, just look at these ones right here ripped straight from admissions catalogues of schools that I just made up!
-CMRU 1002-003 Gender Relations and Sexual Politics in "The Smurfs": Prof. Degrasso.
This class will take an in depth look at the sexual politics behind the animated cartoon series "The Smurfs" and how this reflects on American sexual politics as a whole.
*Focus: The Smurfette/Madonna/Whore connection.
*Required Text: "Blue Balls; a look at Smurf Sexuality" Hayster, Michael. 2001
-LSAU 2240-012 Eating; is it Healthy?: Prof. Himmel
Why do we eat? Is it healthy to consume things that are grown in the ground, picked from trees, or cut from animals? Do I have to eat food, or can I eat air? What would happen if I didn't eat? Find the answers to these questions in this new class.
*Focus: Proper ingestion techniques, food; am I ready for it?
*Required Text: "Karen Carpenter; Gone too Soon" Patterson, Donna. 1989
"What's Coming Out of my Butt?" Herman, Reese. 1993
-MTSU 1525-004 Safe Microwave Techniques: Prof. Stutzman
This course will guide you through the proper way to use your microwave. You will learn the many things that are not meant to be microwaved and some of those that are. We end the semester with a tutorial on the proper time to let a burrito cool before consumption.
*Focus: Open door, place item inside, close door, set timer. Repeat as necessary.
*Required Texts: "Mommy, What Happened to Mittens? Why Cats and Microwaves Don't Mix." Hornby, Allsion. 1979
-PORU 5675-095 Not Again! A Scholarly Take on Bed-Wetting: Prof. Lynch (T.A. Prof. Mullowney)
An insider's look at the phenomenon that is bed-wetting. This once banished childhood problem often comes back to haunt college students. Why? Guest Lecture by MTV's Gideon Yago entitled "I do it too; my struggle with the soggy sheets."
*Focus: proper sheet washing techniques. "Blaming it on her" symposium.
*Required Texts: "The Tinkle Express; It's Always on Time" Nairn, Keith. 2000
"Puddle of Shame" Various Authors. 1992
-DINO 1000-001 Dinosaurs; How Cool is That?: Prof. Felly
This new class is designed to introduce students to the coolness that dinosaurs must have possessed. There will be one research paper on the topic "If I could be a dinosaur, I would be a" " and special field trips to blockbuster to rent "Jurassic Park" editions 1-3 to get a real life example of just how "cool" dinosaurs are.
*Focus: DNA regeneration. What to do with all the poop?
*Required Texts: "ROAAAAR!" Seidell, Streeter. 2004
"Big Teeth, Big Eyes, Small Brains; The Dumb Blonde/Dinosaur Connection" Fahey, Jeanne. 1982
-PHRU 1000-001 Introduction To Philosophy: Prof. Kindervater.
This class will provide students with an introduction to some of the greatest thinkers in human history. Such issues as morality, vanity, and rightness will be examined in detail as we go through the works of Plato, Socrates, Descartes, and Mill.
*Focus: developing a rational mind for career opportunities.
*Required Texts: "The Human Condition" Cooper, Brandywine. 2001
WHAT A JOKE! Have a great Fall semester!