-Hello again, my fellow haters. Well, you guys must be really pissed off or I'm just getting more popular because this week I have had an unprecedented amount of hate flowing my way and I couldn't be happier. Seeing as how I like to give everyone a chance to vent, I have decided to make this a double issue of the famous Hate List. Enjoy.

-Oh Yeah, I almost forgot. The next edition of the Hate List will be the 10th one and I want to do something special. One of my readers suggested a celebrity themed hate list, so why not. Send me some Celebrities you hate at suxatlife@hotmail.com. Now, on with the hate!

-MINE:

-Tan Man: If you traced my ancestry back through the years, you would find out that I am a mix of English, Irish and German blood. These cultures do not lend themselves to dark skin very nicely. In fact, when I get in the sun, I don't even burn" I just get instant blisters. Because of this, I have to work all summer to achieve some semblance of a tan. But not Tan Man. No" Tan Man already has a tan 2 months before summer because he went to the fake n' bake all spring. Listen up, you greasy shit, you shit on my parade every year and I'm sick of it! I can't compete with you no matter what I do, so Im discouraged from the get go. You're the kind of guy that would show up to a wheelchair race with a go-kart, you insensitive fuck" I Hate You!

-Smell This: "Hey dude" dude" C'mere. Dude! You gotta smell my ______!" No" No I don't. Why are you so amazed by the odors your body can produce? What is so great about your fart, or your shoe, or your finger that would make you think that I want to smell it? I'm sure your fart smells like shit, your shoe smells like feet and you finger" well, your finger is another story altogether. Why don't you do the world a favor and keep your rank body to yourself, you smelly ass" I hate You!

-W.W.J.D.: What would Jesus Do??? I don't have a fucking clue. This is one of the most useless phrases of all time and damned be all who further it through bumper stickers, bracelets, and tee-shirts. Ok, maybe if you were tempted by the devil on a mountaintop, you could ask yourself this ridiculous question. But for all intensive purposes, it's completely erroneous (5 point SAT word). What would Jesus do if his porn wasn't downloading fast enough? What would Jesus do if he farted in class? What would Jesus do if he ran over a kid? What would Jesus do if" I Hate You!

-The Scientist: This time of year, I begin to sweat. At first, it's just a wet brow" then some wet hair" and before you know it, my entire body is expelling liquid like it's the Hoover dam. So when I complain about how the heat makes me sweat so much, my best friend The Weather Man always has to say, "It's not the heat, it's the humidity." The only thing is, he waits, like he's announcing the winning raffle number. So it really sounds something like this, "It's not the heat" (wait for it)" it's the HUMIDITY!" Oh my God, I'm so proud that you passed seventh grade science and can regale me with information about the water density in the air, you big fucking douche. Next time you say this to me, I'm going to wipe my sweaty hair all over your face, dickhead" I Hate You!

-YOURS:

-Reader Shannon R. (see "To Shannon" issue) really hates" the "Ummmm Girl." The girl in my pop culture class that says "ummm" every third word. Not only that, but she's one of these people that takes longer to answer a sentence than it should. On top of that, this shoveoff talks about crap no one cares about. "Ummm, well, it's all, ummm, subjective, in an…. ummmm….. media consumed…. ummm.. culture. it's like, ummm… we're all these….. ummm, mice in a maze" Ummmm… I HATE YOU.

-Reader Krystle B. really hates: I hate the Pity friend who can't take a hint. We all have one or two, the 'friend' that you let chill with you because you feel bad for him or her. But its a sure thing that sooner or later that friggen haunt will get beyond annoying and you want nothing more than to rid yourself of this pathetic parasite. Even during the summer vacation this person STILL doesn't get it, look I don't talk to you for a reason, and when I say I'll brb and never come back…hmm I WONDER WHY??? NO you dumbass I didn't accidentally forget to IM you back I PURPOSLY DECIDED NOT TO. Why don't you go find new people to feel sorry for you and Leave me alone….. I HATE YOU!

-Reader Brian T. really hates: Mr. 40 Year Old College Student. Some people look at you and say, "How great that they are going back to get an education". I look at you and say, "Get the fuck out of my 8:30 am class you wrinkly old bastard". There is a reason for night classes; they are for rundown, good-for-nothing, mid-life crisis entering old fat farts. The men aren't as bad, they know they aren't SUPPOSED to be there, so they sit in the back and quietly earn their 2 decade late diploma. It's those fucking housewives that wake up one morning and think they can go to college now that the kids are out of the house and get a degree. TO DO WHAT YOU FAT CUNT? By the time your idiot ass even EARNS a diploma, you'll be 50. That's 5 to 10 years away from retirement, or a job as a greeter at Walmart. You don't need a fucking degree to smile and say hi to people. So stop asking questions, stop sucking up to the professor that's 15 years younger than you, and get out of my class. Do you need to take English 275 to understand the words "I HATE YOU!"

-Reader Jon A. really hates: those loser guys who go to clubs with their top 3 buttons on their shirts not done up. Some even have the chest hair poking out that makes me want to punch them even harder. What are they going for here the "greasy guy from the 80's" look? I hate you, you fucking loser!
(Author's Note: Chest hair and gold chains are back Jon, get with it)

-Reader Jim P. really hates: all those fucking jackasses who think that they are funny when they quote Dave Chapelle's skit of Little Jon. Dear God, you people need to realize that you are not Little John Or Dave Chapelle and you are not funny, most of you aren't even black!!!!!! Go to hell you copyright infringement motherfuckers
(Author's Note: I was similarly troubled by such an incident, see "People I Hate", the first hate list)

-Reader Eric H. really hates: The 40 year old women who walk around campus with those damn backpacks on wheels. Are they really that lazy and weak that they cant just get a real backpack that actually goes on their backs and not some damn suitcase for their books. They walk slower than anyone else on campus and get in people's way all the time. Guess what? You're not going to be able to stow that carry-on anywhere on this campus. Get a bag like everybody else, you old, lazy hags" I Hate You!

-Reader Katie J. really hates: those fucking assholes that drive on the interstate in the passing lane while going below the speed limit OR just keeping pace with the person in the regular lane. IT'S CALLED THE PASSING LANE FOR A REASON!!!! I also hate that son of a bitch that weaves in and out of lanes with out using a turn signal – people like that should just die because they are probably going to end up the cause of my death. Assholes" I hate you both!

-Reader Rhino really hates: closet studiers: These are the people who claim to never attend class, don't buy any materials and never study. Just tell the truth. They act like they are too good to study and base their grades on the amount of time they studied, which is usually some bullshit amount of time immediately preceding a test. I think grades should be base on a ratio of time studied to your score; like 300 minutes divided by the score of 97% that's a 3.1 you failed….. but on the other hand, a 75 earned in 35 minutes of study time equals a 2.1 good job!! So fuck you, you little dishonest, "I never study" schoolboy or schoolgirl and get you ass back to the library.

-Reader Alyssa S. really hates: the smelly drunk girl. You know who I am talking about, the girl who gets drunk, and then dances, getting sweaty, only to ask you the same question over and over again, which is usually "Am I pretty?" I want to tell her she's fucking ugly just so she will go cry in the bathroom and leave me alone. She tries to hug you and cover you in her alcohol infused perspiration, continually re-applies her makeup until she looks like a fucking clown and smells. I'm not sure what it is exactly that makes the "drunk girl smell" Not all girls get it, but a lot do, and it's nasty. It's the combination of smoke, alcohol sweat, makeup and bad breath I think. Stop fucking hugging me, go take a shower! Can you not smell or see yourself the 800 times you have gone to the bathroom to apply makeup? If you must hover around me shut the fuck up! Stop annoying me when I'm trying to find a piece of ass! I hate you!

-Alyssa also hates: the friend who always sits in the front seat, and then talks on the phone the entire god damned time she's sitting up there. She even turns down the radio so she can have a conversation. God forbid anyone else turn the radio down when they want to speak or hear anything at all. No, you must sit in the backseat and be deaf until the car ride is over, not to mention get sick and windblown because she has to have the windows down too. Sit in the back fucking seat if you are not even going to talk to people in the car, so I can bust your eardrums you inconsiderate fuck. I hate you!

-Reader Sarah H. really hates: The I'm-Too-Good-To-Go-Out-And-Get-Drunk-Asian-Philospher: That's right, my RA likes to preach CONSTANTLY about the evils of alcohol and the many reasons why alcohol is the root of all of society's problems. Fuck you, douche nozzel! "I would go out and get food….but I don't feel like looking at drunk people…" Eat shit and die, alright? Because as soon as I'm finished listening to you piss and moan about your Holier-than-thou attitude, I'm gonna go slam 12 beers till I can't tell my ass from my hand! Fuck off, I HATE YOU!!!

-Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ really hates: No one. I love all men as one. However, I must say that I don't really like Muslims. I don't know what it is. I mean, I'm a Jew, so I dig the Jews. And Christians worship me, so I like them too. But Muslims don't seem to like me at all, so they kind of annoy me. Who is the Mohammed guy anyway? Wasn't I around first? I've been looking all over heaven for him and I can't seem to find" wait" I think I see him talking to Ghandi" I gotta go"

-Reader CJ really hates: the "Angry Thong Wearer" She's the dumb skank that feels the need to go to class dressed like it's friday night and she's going "clubbin". As soon as she sits down in the desk in front of you her thong rides up, she reaches back and realizes it and tucks it back into her black booty pants, and then turns gives you a dirty look becuase you were looking at it. Like it's my fault she's dressed like a hootch while the rest of the world is still wearing what they slept in and she can't keep her sexy underwear in her pants and out of my field of vision. Guess what put a hoodie and some fleece pants on and act like a regular person you dumb bitch. I HATE YOU

-Reader Andrea The High Schooler really hates: the couples that are so openly "lovey dovey" they must confess it to the world threw msn…no one really cares that "you LOOOVE BOBBI SOOOO MUCH KISSES" i want to fucking choke people like that… but that's not the worst of it what's worse is when they break up 2 days later and they put it on their screen name as well "I'm such a fucking loser that bobbi dumped me…I'm sorry I'm too ugly for you"…no one fucking cares about shit like that…especially over msn…all we want to know is the simple shit. Don't lay your life out for everyone to read, trust me we don't find it as amusing as you do.

-Reader Gabbi really hates: the poseur queen. Everyone knows her oh so well, or not at all. She has been everything from slutty to straight edge" sporty to emo, in fact you can't understand how she has the money to become someone new every week. The cost of clothes, condoms, sweatbands, and notebooks to write her feelings in must be well into the thousands, but wait she's also pretending to have problems at home, so maybe her rents feel bad for her and encourage her fake ways. So when I throw your flower on the ground an stomp on it, or tell you to shut the fuck up b/c I'm not listening, or lick the cupcakes u probably spent hours making for your boyfriends birthday, or most importantly when I tell you I hate your guts, IM NOT FUCKING JOKING AND I HATE YOU!

-Reader Melissa really hates: the slutty drunk-This is the so-called good friend that when Intoxicated decides your bed would be the optimal spot to fuck some random guy. He busts on your sheets, and then they leave you without cleaning up. Your left drunk/stoned at 2 in the morning trying to wash your god damn sheets. ( side note: bleach and laundry detergent are not interchangeable). Then she has the nerve to call you the next afternoon to see if you caught the guys name by chance. I hate you! You're a stupid whore!

-Reader Tom W. really hates: people who wear cell phones on their belt. They act like it's special or something, when really the guy sitting next to them has the same fucking one. Does it make you feel important that you have a cell phone. Welcome to the 21st century every mother fucker has a cell phone so put it in your pocket bitch. FUCK YOU pocket illiterate mother fucker I HATE YOU.

-Reader Nick G. really hates: The "Look at Me, I read the Newspaper!" Guy. These fuckers go out of there way to show everybody in class that they read the Washington Post. To them I would say: Guess what fag? Nobody gives a shit you spend 10$ in newspapers from the bookstore every morning. Read your paper in your dorm room, when you actually have time to do it. I HATE YOU.

-Finally, A Reader Who-didn't-give-me-his-name-but-the-beginning-of-his-email-name-is-Jgraf really hates: People who walk at the exact pace you are, but pull out RIGHT in front of you. You know the people, your walking at a nice leisurely pace, but then some mother fucker walks RIGHT out in front of you. And he HAS to go the same damn pace as you. So you can't pass him unless you jog around his ass, and then you have to fucking crawl if you don't want to be walking on his ass. You fucking annoying pull out walker…I HATE YOU!

-Wow, that was a lot of hate and I've enjoyed every last bit of it. If you made it this far; congratulations. If you didn't; your Mom hates you and is cheating on your Dad. And remember, if you want to contribute to the Hate List's special tenth edition, email suxatlife@hotmail.com with celebrities you hate and keep the anger alive.