If you look at the hard facts, the hardest of facts, you will see that every single state in America has something to endear it to the ages. It could be a movie (Raising Arizona), an album (Nebraska), even a band (The New York Dolls). Every state has something like this" except Connecticut. Over and over we have been snubbed by the powers that be and forgotten. When people in the far future dig down into the earth to see how this great and prosperous country was once organized they will find a gaping hole between New York, Rhode Island and Massachusetts. But luckily I am here to right this horrible wrong by at least giving a bit of column space to the state that raised me.
To begin with here is a short history of Connecticut. There were a bunch of Indians but the white man killed them all and took their land. Then John Adams rode a horse through the state once and then nothing much happened for the next 200 or so years" or did it?
Connecticut, or The Conn as we natives don't call it, has actually produced so much unwritten history that I feel I must break the tradition and write about it. Connecticut has been home to some of the most illustrious stars and historical figures such as P.T. Barnum who lived in Bridgeport; the worst city on the east coast. And let's not forget about the singer from Weezer" I think he lived in CT at some point as well as did Mark Twain. Dawson of Dawson's Creek fame went to Chesire High which my high school beat in football my freshman year. Apparently he was very unpopular so I guess some things don't change after high school. Ellen Muth, who plays George on "Dead Like Me" and is my current crush, grew up in the Constitution State before coming to her senses and moving away. Oh, and let's not forget one very tricky president who happens to still be president right now. He doesn't talk about it and neither do we, but W is a CT native.
But wait, there's more! Connecticut has broken all kinds of records as well. Currently, UConn holds the title of the only college to have both its men's and women's basketball teams win an NCAA championship in the same year! Connecticut, actually an Indian reservation in CT, is home to the world's largest casino; the famed Foxwoods Resort and Casino which has stolen an estimated $836 dollars from me in the past year. We almost had the first governor impeached but he resigned instead. That's about it for records, but not it for CT.
Every time you sit your fat ass down in McDonalds and bite into a delicious cheeseburger, take a minute to thank Connecticut because we invented it. Don't believe me? Stop by Louis Lunch in New Haven and ask about how they invented the sandwich over 100 years ago when a customer wanted to take his steak sandwich on the road. When your there, look for my name carved into one of the seats, the window, and a table (I like to carve things). You know those helicopter things that sometimes crash? Yep, Connecticut. Not to mention the cotton gin, the nuclear submarine, America's biological warfare arsenal, the CIA, and America's most powerful secret society; Yale's Skull and Bones which both John Kerry and George Bush are members of (and there were some stupid movies about it too; ie. "The Skulls")
"But Streeter, what else makes Connecticut worthy of being remembered?" I'm surprised you have to ask at this point. You know Delaware and Rode Island and what have they done? NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!! But if you still need more convincing, I only have to point to a quiet little hospital in New Haven where on December 2, 1982 a woman named Susan gave birth to a little boy who would come to be known as Streeter Seidell. He would go on to do great things all before his 2nd birthday and then abruptly stop doing anything worthwhile. But without him, you wouldn't know jack about Connecticut and I think you all owe him a debt of gratitude. So next time you sit down with a copy of "Huck Finn" while eating a hot cheeseburger you bought a the Ringling Bros. and Barnum and Baily Circus which you flew to in your helicopter after watching "Dawson's Creek" and losing most of your money at an Indian Casino, think about CT and say thank you. Connecticut, you are now committed to the ages!