Not many people in this world are as lucky as I am. Today, for instance, I was paid a ludicrous amount of money to take a bunch of kids to Six Flags (an amusement park for all you foreigners). I spend my summer weeks working with disadvantaged children; taking them swimming, to the park, on field trips etc" It's a great job but it poses one significant problem; race relations.
You see, most of my kids are black. Some are Hispanic and about one percent of them are white, like me. Today on the bus ride to Six Flags, they started to play the name game, where each player must say a proper name starting with the letter that follows that of the previous player's selection. They asked me to play and I obliged. It went as such, "Ashanti" Beyonce" Cameron" Dawayne" (me) Emma" Foqu" wait, Emma aint nobody's name." These kids did not know of anyone named "Emma" and they refused to believe that it was an actual name. They contested "Emma" as fervently as I contested "Tamirika" and "Solando." And that is when I realized that these kids were in a completely different world than I was.
I know now that these kids will never see the world through the eyes that I do and vice versa. They don't know anything about The Dave Matthews Band, playing through on the course, Polo's new line, or hair gel. I, in turn, couldn't tell you the first thing about getting "ashy," street style, mini motorcycles, or exactly how one does the "Rockaway." But, I have picked up a few tips from these kids and I think they have picked up a few from me. And what kind of a person would I be if I did not do my small part to build a bridge between the races.
White People Need To Know"
That black people do indeed get sunburns, but they call it "getting darker."
That it is funny to them when white people try to talk as they do.
That water refuses to soak into a black person's hair.
That black people are not afraid of you" ever.
That saying you like Taco Bell will not make a Hispanic person admire you.
That we look absolutely ridiculous in a doorag.
That country music stars do not "drop" an album.
That black people will always be 1 to 3 steps ahead of us in popular culture.
That if a black person claims you as his "nigga" it is a compliment.
That if you claim a black person as your "nigger," you will lose your teeth.
That while a branding tattoo may look good on black skin, it does not on white.
That the rebel flag is just dumb at this point" nobody likes a sore loser.
That black people make better food than your Grandma ever will- trust me, I've eaten it.
Black People Need To Know"
That some white people can dance" kinda.
That a sunburn hurts really, really bad and you shouldn't slap it.
That white people are afraid of you" always.
That it isn't proper to call my hair "nappy."
That we feel really bad about slavery but we don't know what to do about it.
That we like Eddie Murphy, but we LOVE Jerry Seinfeld.
That we're not all racist" just most of us.
That we will not be able to hold our own in a game of "who's cock is bigger?"
That we get cold in the winter time too.
That I can't tell you anything about white people that Richard Prior hasn't already.
The bottom line is we are all just people trying to make it through the day the best we can. All the other shit black rage, white guilt is all just incidental. So what if I can't dance and don't think "Shamikwa" is a real name. So what if my kids make fun of the way I pronounce "ask" and insist "White Chicks" is the funniest movie of all time. We are all just normal people. Some of us like Jay-Z, some of us like" actually everyone likes Jay-Z. My point is, the next time you see someone of a different race, try to understand why they act the way they do. Now, this may be difficult if that person is stealing your wallet or burning a cross in your front yard, but try anyway. Plus, when it comes down to it, we can all agree on one thing; Asians are weird.