A Poem For My Fake ID
Come sit with me, my old friend
I fear our time has come to an end.
Out of my wallet you must come
For I have turned 21.
Do not weep and do not cry
Everyone must say "'goodbye'
A great service you've done for me
And I'll always have the memories.
I recall a time not to long ago
When I fake ID I could not show
Because, you see, I did not own
This false document that made me grown.
And then one day I made haste
To visit a wonderful, sacred place;
Room 324 at the end of the hall
Can make bouncers nod and velvet ropes fall.
In this room lived a man named Pete
Who offered his services quite discreet
He took my name and my picture too
And sent me away to wait for you.
50 bucks later you came into my life
without anger or malice or greed or strife.
I put you where I could never forget it
Over my license, under my debit.
For the last two years we've had quite a ride
Going to bars and getting inside.
And when I was asked by the man at the door
I'd give you to him and stare at the floor.
"What is your info?" the bouncer would ask
And I would recite these words so fast
"I'm Michael Santino, Riverside Place
Cambellville, Michigan 91298."
And you never failed to get me into
All the bars that I have been to.
You're perfectly made with edges so sharp
A nail polish finish and letters so dark.
You're a work of art, a masterpiece
That let me drink wherever I pleased.
But I'm older now, past my 21st year
And today it's become abundantly clear.
You must move on and find a new friend.
Find a new buddy and lie for him.
I must go too, to the DMV
To get a real license that's truthful "'bout me.
But before I get there, there's something to do;
Find a freshman that's interested in you.
There's one right now! "Hey frosh, over here"
"Do you want something that can get you beer?"
I'm sorry ID, he's bought you for cheap
And into his wallet you'll soon slowly creep.
Our time is over but do not be sad
For great are the memories and the times that we had!
Goodbye, fake ID, thanks for the fun
We've had a great time, we've had a great run.
And I'll never forget the ways you helped me
My buddy, my friend, my old Fake ID.