The Streety Awards V
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the voting for the fifth Streety Awards. The Streetys are decided by you, not some overpaid industry "expert" sitting around sipping mochas and lighting Cubans with his intern's hair. Also, the Streetys cover all manner of entertainment while ignoring such awards as "best digital sound editing" and "best use of duct tape on a soap opera set" so you get to the good stuff. Without further ado, here are your nominees for the fifth Streety Awards!
Celebrity That Would Make The Best Homeless Person
1. Rob Schneider
2. Vincent Gallo
3. Benicio Del Toro
4. Pauly Shore (may actually be homeless)
Best Name For Imaginary Car
1. VW SkyLyte
2. Honda Doric
3. Toyota Gilgamesh
4. KIA Sausalito
Funniest Joke God Played On Us
2. Monkeys who smoke
3. Sun Showers
4. Paris Hilton
Great Name For Britney and Kevin's Baby
Best New Percent Of Milk
1. 3 ½ %
4. Just Milk (5%)
Best New Soda Flavor
1. Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper
2. Lime Coca Cola
3. Birch Beer Flavored Root Beer
4. Cheese Coca Cola (Parmesan)
Best Way To Say "'Yeah, I Party" HARD!"
1. Say, "Yeah, I party" HARD!"
2. Burn down house with grain alcohol, say, "Yeah, I party" HARD!"
3. Get house dog drunk, wait till it passes out, grab its mouth and make it look like it's saying, "Yeah, I party" HARD!"
4. Drink bottle of Jack Daniels in one sip, stare down housemates, go in bedroom with housemate's girlfriend.
Best TV Show That Will Probably Be Cancelled
1. Family Guy (for the third time)
3. Arrested Development
Worst Mother's Day Present
1. Half Eaten Salmon
2. Father's Day Card
3. Unborn Child courtesy of some dude at Alpha House party in January
4. "Mother's day" what's that?"
Snowboard/Skateboard Trick That Sounds Dirty
1. Buttering the Muffin
3. Boned-out Tailgrab
Best Sarcastic, Wisecrackin' TV Actor
1. Topher Grace (Eric, That 70's Show)
2. Adam Brody (Seth, The OC)
3. John C. McGinley (Dr. Cox, Scrubs)
4. Ray Romano (Ray Romano, Everybody Loves" never mind, he's not going to win)
Coolest Mom in High School
1. Mrs. Fields
2. Mrs. Thomson
3. Ms. Carlyle
4. Oh, just call me Rachel.
Next Cool Thing Cell Phones Will Do
1. Pay your taxes
2. Spy on you for the government
3. Block people you don't like from calling without even asking
4. Tell your fortune accurately
Best Kind of Cookie
1. Double Chocolate Chip
2. Macadamia Nut
4. Legume with vinegar
Best Name For My fake Company I'm Forming To Get Tax Benefits
1. Techcom industries
2. Vibrant Dream Productions
3. Alopecia Ltd.
4. Streeter's Awesome Company of Stuff
Would You Sleep With Me? (Women only please, men skip to next question)
2. No" well, how much money do you make?
3. No, but my sister will.
4. Definitely" the perfect way to get back at Dad.
Can I Watch You Sleep With Your Girlfriend? (Men only, women refer to previous question)
1. Okay, but no touching" no, not even yourself.
2. No, but you can make us some tea for after
3. How good is your vision?
4. As long as you pay for her, Starla is expensive.
Greatest Human Achivement of the Last 15 Minutes
1. Greg Tambolt staples finger to desk and doesn't notice
2. Mary Tilford watches entire episode of Blue Collar TV without changing channel.
3. Will "Kill-a-Keg" Mortin actually does dishes in frat house
4. Midget fails to see the irony in riding a tiny Razor Scooter.
Send your votes to firstname.lastname@example.org and remember, write-ins are welcome!