If you're smart – and you're a freshman – you'll pay attention to the following.

Today: Dump High School Girlfriend – Doesn't "'hooking up with a girl' sound better than "'cheating on your one true love'? Yeah, we think so too. Time to call Jenny and let her know that when you signed her yearbook "forever your sweetness," you meant to write "Maybe we can hook up over Thanksgiving break?".

October 21st: Ditch Orientation Friends – You're old enough now to know that the kids you've been hanging out with since you all met at that "'awesome' alcohol-free orientation carnival aren't your real friends. We know you don't have anything in common with them but still feel a sense of loyalty to the guys that embraced you when you were scared and lonely during those first days of school. We're also sure that you've met kids you actually enjoy spending time with and consider actual friends. Well, it's time to draw the line between those two groups. Four years from now when you see one of your orientation "'friends' on campus and don't even acknowledge each other, you'll know you've done the right thing" plus, that kid still wears socks with sandals! Damn, why did you ever hang out with him?

October 30th: Stop Playing Snood – Seriously, it's not even that fun. Plus, you've already beaten all the levels in the trial version and you don't want to be the guy that actually pays for the full version, do you? We didn't think so.

November 2nd: Be Honest About Your Taste In Music – Ok buddy, now that we've narrowed down your friend pool, it's time to be honest with them about your taste in music. We know you've spent a couple months pretending to like all the stuff they enjoy, but you guys are such good buds now, you can reveal your deep, passionate love for The Barenaked Ladies without fear of being cast out of the group. Sure, they may mock you, but it's better than spending the next four years pretending to like O.A.R., right? Exactly.

November 9th: Ask Your Roommate To Stop Masturbating At Your Desk – Yeah, it's awkward, but c'mon, Tom; those are my good socks!

November 12th: Admit It, The Dining Hall Food Is Good – Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so fashionable to rag on your dining hall's food, but you don't need to fit in anymore. You've already told your friends that you listen to Nickleback when your roommate isn't home, so why not tell them that, yes, you enjoy the dining hall food? They'll probably shyly agree but, hey, there's nothing to be ashamed of; Duane makes a killer burger and that's a fact, Jack.

November 18th: Stop Wearing School Gear Everyday – We know that when you first got on campus it was all the rage to sport your school's logo on just about everything you owned, but that time has passed. Most of your friends now aren't going to look at you and think, "Now, where do I know that guy from" I wish there was something on his hoodie that could give me a clue." Everyone now officially knows where you go to school so feel free to retire that hoodie/sweatpants outfit for a while. But don't pack it too deep, you're going to need it during Thanksgiving break to remind all of your high school friends that you go a real college" trade school losers.