Additional Pixel Illustration by Jesse "SkaLuigi" Eisemann
By Susanna Wolff and Caldwell Tanner
If College Were Like VideoGames
Each image will have a logo above it to indicate the game it’s parodying.
Morning After Evacuation: Walk of Shame *
Image: A girl in a guy’s polo shirt is peaking out from behind a corner. Another girl notices her and an exclamation point appears above her head.
- An inventory box on the left should have an oversized shirt in it labeled “DUDESHIRT”
- A meter in the upper right is slowly depleting (it should be a blinking .gif). The meter is labeled DIGNITY.
- A campus map is in the top right corner.
Class Effect: *
Image: A bro is asking you a question, a conversation wheel appears below.
- “We’re doing a power hour in Tims’ room, you in bro?”
- HELLZ YEAS DAWRG. (red renegade option)
- I should really study for my midterm, sorry. (blue paragon option)
- Tell me more about “power hours.”
- Show him sick power hour mix you made.
Super Sorry Bros
Image: An eight-bit guy is talking to another dude at a party that is taking place in a basement that looks like Bowser’s Dungeon.
“Thanks for bringing the beer, but that girl you wanted to talk to is at a different party.”
Final Exam Fantasy
Image: A final fantasy battle screen. On the right side are a number two-pencil, an eraser, a calculator, and a phone. On the left side is a Final Exam with a ghost-like monster face.
A text box on top reads - “EXAM USED MULTIPLE CHOICE!”
The test is shouting this information in a word bubble - “QUESTION 12: WHAT IS THE NAME OF THE CHEMICAL REACTION THAT CAUSES CELL DIVISION”
It is the pencils’ turn. The four options are A. Mitosis, B. Meiosis, C. Mitochondria and D. Bahamut
Call of Duty *
Image: A First-person perspective shot of a dude looking at his phone.
- The screen reads “INCOMING CALL FROM MOM”. On top of the screen a message appears saying: “OBJECTIVE: AF”
- The line below it reads: “AVOID FOLLOWING TOPICS: GRADES, INTERNSHIP PLANS, PEEPAW’S HEALTH”
Tetris: Dorm Room Edition
Image: A standard tetris screen, in place of the “NEXT BLOCK’ square, there is now a “NEXT OBJECT” box featuring a pixellated roommate saying “I don’t think it’s gonna fit.” He is holding a big TV.
- In place of a score there is a decreasing square feet meter.
The Laundry of Zelda *
Image: A girl is holding up two quarters. The screen should resemble the “YOU GOT AN ITEM!” screen from Zelda.
- A text box reads: “You found Two Quarters! Now you can finally do laundry!”
Image: A dude is trying to get into an awesome party, but snorlax-esque bouncer blocks your way.
- A text box reads: “A BOUNCER blocks your path!”