Now that you've stepped off of the cruise ship and hazardous tourbus of high school and home life, you must be prepared to venture into the thick jungle of college. In this cultural bramble, you might want to mate with someone of a different species than your own. Usually, copious amounts of alcohol can induce any number of copulatory situations. However, there are some species that only fornicate with members of their own sex. these are what scholars call "Lesbians." The following is a guide to the different species within the Lesbian family.
Characterized by doc martens, leather jackets, and very short hair. This lesbian might defy your concept of pronouns, referring to (it)self as a "boi." The most easily sighted and recognizable lesbian is often found talking about motorcycles and "The L Word."
Favorite Drink: Imported Beer
Favorite Store: Abercrombie and Fitch men's section
Similar to the hipster, L.A.'s wear strangely put together thrift store clothing, coupled with a brooding visage. With a paintbrush or a camera in hand, they can be located mostly in coffee houses or art studios. Avoid any discussions of the media or popular music, as while these beasts appear tame and non-violent, they can attack at any moment.
Favorite Drink: Absynthe
Favorite Store: Any thrift store
Commonly mistaken for the Lesbiana Artsyus, the Dykus Hippyia can be found in clothing that can only be described as "earthy." Either fresh from a hike or having finished a big bowl of vegan oatmeal, you can find this lesbian smoking a blunt and playing Frisbee. Look for hemp necklaces and acoustic guitars when searching for them.
Favorite Drink: Water from their nalgene or some organic fluid. Marijuana is preferred heavily to alcohol.
Favorite Store: Stores are merely pawns of the capitalist pigs.
Softball is preferred among these athletic, muscular lesbians. They'll usually collect in groups to work out or engage in lengthy discussions about sports. You can spot them by the varsity jacket or headband they almost always wear.
Favorite Drink: Gatorade or Red Bull and vodka
Favorite Store: Dick's Sporting Goods
Very difficult to find, as most of these pseudo-dykes are usually just experimenting in college, or have listened to too many Ani DiFranco songs. They can be spotted, however, if in the vicinity of a gay club.
Favorite Drink: Cosmopolitan or Hypnotica
Favorite Store: Gap
The object of every male fantasy, very similar to the Lesbianis Lipsticka. These women are completely made up, and do not actually exist. There are many Norwegian myths pertaining to the existence of the Porn Dykia, however as soon as the cameras stop rolling, these huge breasted, often blonde women go right back to their preferred cock.
Favorite Drink: Champagne off the chest of the other actress
Favorite Store: Hot Topic, the slutty part