Winter break is a celebrated time of year when millions of college kids bid farewell to the dorms, the parties, the regrettable makeouts and return to the towns from which they came. These towns, though nostalgically important, are probably less than entertaining. Even if you're old enough to hit the bars, they're probably small, filled with alcoholic fathers and lacking any sort of wet t-shirt competition. So, what are you going to do with the three weeks of downtime your college has handed you? After doing this four times I think I've got you figured out pretty well.

Day 1: WE'RE BACK! Oh man this break is gonna rule! I'm gonna see all my old friends, hookup with Megan again, get totally shitfaced with my cousin. I can't wait!

Day 2: Shit, I gotta get some Christmas presents. NOT! Thank god I picked up twelve coffee mugs from my school's bookstore before I left. I'm gonna sit here all day and order movies on my parents On Demand. Life is good.

Day 3: I can't believe it's already Christmas Eve. Great, now I have to go to my aunts house and sit around while my grandparents whine about the government all night. Eh, at least I'll get some presents…lame presents. Gee, thanks Uncle Mort, I've been wanting a new flashlight for years now. What an asshole.

Day 4: Alright, Christmas is here! If I know my parents – and I think I do – I'm gonna get everything I asked for: a video iPod, a moped, a spring break trip to Europe, $2,000 to go clothes shopping and a neon bar sign for my dorm room!

Day 5: I guess I second generation used iPod is pretty cool. It came pre-loaded with the last guy who owned it's demo.

Day 6: Oh great, now it's time to drive halfway across the state to see my Mom's family. Boring. If I'm lucky, I'll get to hear about my third-cousin's new husband. What's with these people; I've never even met my third-cousin, why would I care about her new husband?

Day 7: Oh shit, I have to make New Year's plans. Is everyone going to Tom's house this year?

Day 8: Wait, now the party is at Meg's house?

Day 9: Trevor's house? Who is Trevor? Is he that kid who used to get the nosebleeds in gym? What? He's on Real World now? Well, am I invited?

Day 10: 9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…Happy New Year! Thanks for letting me hang out, Mom and Dad; my plans kinda, uh, fell through.

Day 11: You want to hang out today? Oh, you're hung over? Yeah, me too. Last night was fucking crazy, dude. Where did I go? Oh, I, uh, just hung with some college friends that live nearby. How was Trevor's? Puck showed up!? As in, Puck from real World!? I mean, uh, cool. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Day 12: Man, how long does this break last? I'm getting kid of bored.

Day 13: Uh, hey Megan. How ya been? Yeah, I missed you too. What are you doing tomorrow, maybe we could get a coffee or something? Yeah, that'd be great, I'll see you tomorrow.

Day 14: Megan…wow. You've, uh, filled out since high school, huh? No, I'm not calling you fat, you've just gotten curvier – is that a word? – curvier. Ya know, I totally forgot I have to, uh, go see my Grandma. It's been nice seeing you though.

Day 15: Hey man, so good to hear from you! How was your Christmas? Yeah, mine kind of sucked too. Don't you miss the dorms, dude? Yeah, me too. I can't wait to go back. What's that? Yeah, I know that Trevor from Real World lives in my town. Did I go to his New Year's party? Yeah…definitely…Puck was there. No big deal. Ok, I'll see you back at school, man.

Day 16: sleeping

Day 17: Mario Kart for fourteen hours…why not?!

Day 18: Maybe I'll give Megan another call. I mean, she wasn't that fat.

Day 19: What have I done? Christ, that was like surfing a wave of loose fat. I can't even look at myself right now. I need to get out of here; when does this cursed break end.

Day 20: One more day, one more day, one more day…DAD! I WAS DOING SOMETHING IN HERE!!!! CAN'T YOU KNOCK??!!

Day 21: Oh thank God, back at school. Wait, what paper? But we just started classes!? Due in two days! Fuck, I hate this shit. I can't wait till school is over!

Check out StreeterSeidell.com for more.