Hi there, I'm society's view of the stereotypical college student. I am exactly the same as every single other college student in the nation. I eat pizza all day and get drunk every night. Even on Sundays. Yeah! Know why? Because I'm the stereotypical college student.
I have no goals or ambitions for the future. Sorry, but it just doesn't matter to me. That's why I rarely go to class, especially if it's an early one seeing as how I rarely wake up before noon since I was up all night drinking beer and smoking the cannabis. Okay I lied, I was probably just on eBay buying rims for my sweet '97 Dodge Stratus that I will later break many a law with. If I do decide to go to a class, I don't pay attention because I am still in the high school mentality that not trying is fuckin' awesome.
Beer! If there's one thing I love, it is beer. Any amount and any brand of beer; but the more, the better obviously! I like to drink heavily and then ruin public property. I probably have at least one street sign hanging in my dorm room that I've stolen in a drunken stupor costing faithful tax payers tens of hundreds of dollars. I am basically a good for nothing hooligan.
I pop my collar because it's pretty cool looking and wear a hat that says "Cocks" on it even though I don't go to USC or even know what a gamecock is. I also enjoy wearing the infamous arm bands when not taking part in any type of physical activity, not realizing it makes me look like a dipshit.
I am so lazy that I rival the crippled for amount of routine exercise. Why do you think I eat microwavable food so much? It's not because I prefer the taste of Philly cheese steak flavored hot pockets or strawberry milkshake pop tarts versus a home cooked meal, it is because I am the laziest person on the planet. If I didn't need strength to get down on one knee to hit this beer bong right now, I wouldn't even eat.
My favorite music is Dave Matthews and O.A.R., even if I don't actually like listening to either, but I say that I do since everyone else does. Oh well, at least I can go to their shows with my boys and get mad blazed. I love using the word "'mad' preceding any word to show the extent to how much took place. Another example would be: my checking account is filled with some mad bank! That's because I don't pay for my own tuition though; I live close enough to my parents so I can usually go there when I need some cash or someone to do my laundry. LAUNDRY BAFFLES MY FUCKING MIND. I once tried to do laundry and I ended up in the hospital for two days. Yeah, dude, I don't even know. It is probably related to my lack of general knowledge regarding simple hygiene though. An expiration date on food is a foreign concept, and similar to other foreign ideas (and culture), is ignored.
I am in a frat. My frat enjoys hazing incoming freshman by making them each murder a newborn infant before we finally gain any respect for them. Did you ever see Animal House or Old School? It's a well known fact that those weren't entertaining movies but true to life documentaries! It exactly portrays me as well as all of my friends during the course of our non productive lifestyles. We offer absolutely nothing to society, although we do recycle our beer cans from time to time. Man, we love beer!