8 Types of Karaoke Singers - Image 6

Oh my God, you guys, this is going to be so much fun! Everyone, shut up, I'm about to sing. Kidding! But seriously I'm about to sing. This is going to be even better than that time I played Fantine in Les Mis in high school. Oh, did I mention that already? I'm sorry. I's probably just because I'm nervous because I haven't sung in public since I played Fantine in Les Mis in high school. The reviews said my performance was stunning. Well THE review: there was only one and it was from the paper run by the high school, which had put on Les Mis, in which I played Fantine. Okay, but seriously everyone SHUT THE F*CK UP! I'm singing Baby Got Back. Just kidding! Can you imagine? I'm singing "I Dreamed a Dream." Which is sung by Fantine.

In Les Mis… and I played her…

In high school.

8 Types of Karaoke Singers - Image 6

Okay, guys, it was me. I was the one who put on Meatloaf's "Bat Out of Hell." Ha! Yeah, who actually likes Meatloaf, right? And this song is, like, ten minutes long. What a hack. But, you hear that, oh yeah that's a cool guitar lick leading into this. Oh yeah. Well, not cool, but "cool," you know. Ha! Oh, hey, you should probably move. I'm going to need a lot of room for all the kicking and jumping around I'm going to do. It's going to be awesome. But IRONICALLY awesome. But also actually awesome. Now, I'm going to turn away from the screen and sing the whole song with sincere emotion entirely from memory.

It's gonna be hilarious.

8 Types of Karaoke Singers - Image 1

Hold on. I'm just picking a song. No. No. No… Not that. Okay. I guess I can do this one. How does this stupid remote work? Do you have to press "enter" at the end? This is stupid. Did it go through?

…No none of those were my song. I think it's probably coming up.

… Ah, nevermind, I'll just pick something else. No. No. No… Yeah, there's something wrong with the remote. How do you use this damn thing?

8 Types of Karaoke Singers - Image 1

How, how's everyone doin' tonight. It's great to be here in New York. I'm just going to sing a few songs for you. Here we go…

As I walk through the valley WHERE I HARVEST MY GRAIN, I take a look at my — yeah, I know it's the Weird Al version, but I'm singing it over Gangsta's Paradise.

Yeah, I know Amish Paradise is in the book too. That wouldn't be as funny.

Because you didn't expect the Weird Al lyrics. Oh whoa, what's going on with these images in the background? "Oh, look at me I'm a Korean lady, and I'm waiting for my boyfriend at the train tracks." And now there's dolphins or something? Where do they think of this stuff? Let's see, what else do I have here. Oh! Looks like we've got a pause for an instrumental break. I'm just going to say the word "instrumental break" as if that's a lyric. I kid, I kid! Before I go, I'm going to leave you with this: two minutes of farting robot beatboxing sounds into the microphone.

Pbbbbbbbbt beep boop bop beep puh-tsk-puh-tsk-puh-tsk pbbbbbbbt.

Good night, folks, you've been a great audience.