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Even on shows that are meant to be boring, like The Office, none of the characters are actually boring. They're boorish, or close-minded, or lazy, or so exaggeratedly boring that they become hilarious, but they're not boring. Because that would be incredibly dull to watch. Just like life.

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"Hey man, we've been friends for 4 years now, and this is the first I'm hearing of the Annual Franks-giving Hot Dog Eating Contest. Remember? Last Thanksgiving we did our traditional Annual Spanks-giving Naked Scavenger Hunt, and the year before that we did the Annual Banks-giving Day Parade, where we ran around to all the banks in town and egged them after your credit score got downgraded. Honestly I'm kind of starting to wonder whether we can really call these events 'annual' when we only do them once and then never again. But tradition is tradition, so I will accept it without question."

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In real life, you can't make fat jokes about your fat friend. Because people have feelings. Outside TV, being mean to people for no reason doesn't mean you have a playful loving relationship with them. It just means you have an Internet connection.

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Tell someone you love them on the first date? Sleep with your friend's girlfriend? Impulsively quit your job? Accidentally kidnap a child? Start a religion? Commit treason? Whatever. Things will be back to normal next week.

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Human relationships are complex and filled with nuance and ambiguity. You might agonize for months over whether to break up with someone who you love but you guys are just starting to have different values in a way that's not easily describable, and you have a lot of doubts about the decision because you're afraid of having to face yourself on your own, but then it's like, you shouldn't JUST stay with them because you're afraid to be alone, which really comes down to your own issues with your parents' divorce and your childhood dynamic with your siblings anyway, and it wouldn't be fair to your significant other to stay in a relationship until you've worked through some of that stuff yourself, you know? On TV, you break up with someone because they've got a silly-looking toe.

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Or listen to long voicemails from your grandma. Or fill out health insurance forms. Or make the bed. Or wash dishes. Or answer emails. Or die.

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Okay, maybe real life isn't so bad after all.

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