Whoever it was that said that alcohol affects peoples actions just might have been on to something. Alcohol makes people do things that they would not otherwise be doing if they were sober (i.e. sleeping on the pool table, singing along to "Take me Home Tonight", kissing you). However, although it is obvious that alcohol changes everyone's personality, it seems to change everyone's personality a different way. I came up with a little personality quiz you can take to find out for yourself just what kind of drunk you are. Dig in.
1) Around 9 p.m. someone announces that they are going to buy alcohol. You:
A) Ask if they can pick something up for you if you give them some money.
B) Ask if they can spot you this time, and you will pay for it tomorrow night.
C) Tell them you will drink the Natural Light that is still in your fridge from yesterday, thank you.
D) Are already drunk.
2) At 9:30 someone suggests a game as a good way to get started. You:
A) Gather up some red solo cups and some friends for a rousing game of "Flippy Cup".
B) Will play beer pong, but you need to use someone else's beer, because your's is not cold enough/wet enough/alcoholic enough/ (insert excuse here).
C) Suggest playing Tony Hawk's Pro Skater on PS2. Oh, wait a drinking game? Oh, well then, whatever you guys want.
D) Call everyone a pussy for not wanting to play Edward 40 hands with Old English High Gravity Malt Liquor.
3) At 10:00 you and your friends go out to the bar together. Once inside, you:
A) Ask your friend what they want to drink; this first round's on you.
B) Tell your friend what you want to drink; this first round's on them.
C) Wait in line at the bar for about an hour and then nurse a Red Bull and vodka for the next hour.
D) Holy Shit! They are playing "Laffy Taffy" and you hit the dance floor like a Ralph Lauren cologne hurricane!
4) At 10:30 your friend see's that girl/boy from Accounting that they have been checking out all semester. You:
A) Walk over and introduce yourself then spend a few minutes dutifully talking up your friend. They'd do it for you.
B) Go over and hit on them. They totally want you anyway. They just don't know it yet.
C) Are too busy talking to your boyfriend or girlfriend from high school that you followed to college to hear them.
D) Would love to help but you puked on that person's roommate when you were hooking up freshman year.
5) At 11:30, you see a friend about to make a selection at the jukebox. You:
A) Walk over and stand next to them. Hope they pick a good one!
B) Reach around their shoulder and press E-5. Haha, "Love is a Battlefield"! They didn't see that coming!
C) Wouldn't mind hearing a little Rod Stewart. Maybe a little "Rhythm of my Heart" or "Maggie May". If there's an easier way to get a party popping off, you'd like to hear it.
D) Start screaming at them to play some fucking Vanilla Ice! Play it now! Right fucking now! You know all the words! Alright stop, collaborate and listen, Ice is back with my brand new invention"
6) At 1:00 in the morning your friends are ready to leave. You:
A) Stand outside with your cell phone stuck to your ear, trying to get in touch with a cab company.
B) Are housing that stranger's face. Just sucking their cheeks off. I mean, you're skating on the thin ice between a make out session and a sex crime.
C) Are trying to find your boyfriend/girlfriend. The last time you saw them, they told you they saw their Econ T.A. and they were going to go say hi. Wait a second" when did they start taking Econ anyway?
D) Are walking out of the bathroom after just hurling your guts out all over the stall. Play it cool. No one suspects a thing.
7) It's 2:00 in the morning, your last chance at a random hook up. You:
A) Would love to be looking for some weird sex right now, but your friend Katie just got in a big fight her boyfriend, and she really needs to talk.
B) Reached an awkward point in the conversation, and you figured it was the perfect time for a good old racist joke. You will be sleeping alone.
C) Have been sleeping with your future spouse for almost an hour. Literally sleeping.
D) Zurghhh ah sijkluomps. Deep sijkluomps.
8) The next morning you and your friends meet for breakfast. When the topic of last night comes up, you:
A) Listen to everyone's stories and laugh. You've got the best friends in the world! College is f'n sweet!
B) Lie through your teeth about a hookup that never happened.
C) Ask if anyone else saw the girl in the red shirt last night" they remember that girl and they all sort of smile" Would her mother let her out of the house in that? You certainly don't think so!
D) Ask them if you were with them last night, and then you apologize profusely.
Alright, it's time to add it all up. Which ever letter you had the most of is your drunk personality equivalent.
A: You are a responsible drunk. Your friends love having you around, but though you are there for all of the stories that they tell, you are never actually a part of one. Lighten up a little bit.
B: You are a scum bag. An absolute dirt ball. But at least you have a pretty good time with it.
C: You are a pussy. Grow a pair you pussy, this is college. (You are also the one who is going to be the most successful after graduation, but if I had to pick between foresight and a neon beer lamp in my room, I'll take the beer lamp, thank you.)
D: You are that guy. That guy who was passed out in the booth last night, the guy who was throwing up on the dance floor, the guy who tried to fight the bouncer, the guy who woke up in the hospital, that's you. And I, for one, am a big fan of your work.