Dell guy: Hey! Hey, you’re Justin Long!
Justin Long: Do I know you?
Dell guy: Yeah dude, it’s me! The Dell guy!
Justin Long: I’m sorry I….
Dell guy: Come on, man. “Dude, you’re getting a Dell!”?
Justin Long: Yeah I…I guess I vaguely remember you.
Dell guy: You better, man! You’re kind of like the new me! But for Apple!
Justin Long: Listen I gotta go, I’m filming DieHard 4 today.
Dell guy: Oh dude, that’s awesome! Being a computer spokesperson is like the BEST WAY to get into show business.
Justin Long: Actually I was already in a couple movies beforehand, so.
Dell guy: I mean, same difference, right man?
Justin Long: Not really…
Dell guy: DUDE, how sweet are the discounts? I got like 20% off my Dell.
Justin Long: That’s…really great.
Dell guy: And how about the pay? I made like $200,000 bucks off those commercials, dude! Fucking BANK! Hey, hey dude how much did you get from Apple?
Justin Long: Oh it’s not really important…
Dell guy: Come on, tell me! It’s not a big deal if it’s less, I totally haggled with those Dell dudes.
Justin Long: Apple paid me a couple million dollars just to decline other commercial offers.
Dell guy: Oh…yeah okay…I mean, Dell offered me that but I turned it down, dude. Like to keep my options open.
Justin Long: Oh really? I haven’t really seen you in any
Dell guy: I’M PICKY, OK!?!?
Dell guy: Can I have your autograph?
Justin Long: I mean…I guess. What do you want it to say?
Dell guy: “Dell guy – You’re cool, here’s a million dollars. Signed, Justin Long.”
Justin Long: Yeah, I’m not going to sign that.
Dell guy: Oh man, are you serious? Dude, I really need the money, dude.
Justin Long: What happened to the $200k?
Dell guy: I, uh…it got stolen.
Justin Long: Sure it did.
Dell guy: Listen dude, I’m desperate. You know what I’m doing now? I’m a fucking waiter at Tortilla Flats in New York City, dude. I host ‘Trivia Night’ for god’s sake. None of my bosses even know my name! (begins weeping)
Justin Long: Listen man, I gotta go. (walks away)
Dell guy: Wait! Dude, WAIT! I’M THE ORIGINAL PC! YOU’RE A MAC! I’M A FUCKING PC!!
Dell guy: Dude, I’m going to kill myself.