Just like the cafeteria food and the nine months of beer guzzling, finals have also caught up to you. Man is your flabby ass in trouble. I'm sure you've got big plans to ace your final, thus making up for all the classes you missed because you "had strep throat" or your "brother fell down a mine shaft". Newsflash Zach Morris, the crazy scheme you're hatching won't work. Let me tell you how it's going to go.


You Should:
Look over old tests and quizzes.

You Will:
Jerk off fourteen times while your roommate pulls an all night study session in the library.


You Should:
Reread relevant chapters from your text book.

You Will:
Spill a bowl of microwavable soup on your book, rendering it useless" but delicious


You Should:
Make note cards.

You Will:
Cut ninja stars out of the note cards and throw them at yourself in the mirror.


You Should:
Find a study partner.

You Will:
Ask to study with the least knowledgeable person in the class, but the most likely to mess around with you.


You Should:
Wake your study partner up if she falls asleep.

You Will:
Try to put your hand up her shirt.


You Should:
Get a good night's sleep.

You Will:
Freak out that you haven't studied enough and try to cram an intense study session in between 3:00 AM and 7:00 AM


You Should:
Be focused and alert during your exam.

You Will:
Draw doodles of your professor being eaten by sharks.


You Should:
Keep your eyes on your own paper, college is about integrity.

You will:
Cheat like you're getting paid for it.


You should:
Fail. God knows you didn't do a single thing to pass.

You will:
Get a B-. That's higher education my friend.