The Famous Hate List has been gone for a while but it's back and meaner than ever. Join me, won't you"
Please send all your hate to Streeter@streeterseidell.com and don't forget to check out The Hate Blog.
Quentin the Quote Corrector: Men my age (18-15) basically communicate with each other through relevant movie quotes. It's been years since I've actually said an original sentence to a friend. Most of our dialogue was pre-written by some underpaid screenwriter out in Cali. It makes like incredibly easy to have a movie quote ready to go for any situation. But there is always one asshole who takes it too far. And by that I mean he can't stand when I quote is not verbatim. "Uh, actually, the line is "'tattoo on the lower back, might as well be a bullseye.'" Yeah, asshole, I know what the line is, I just didn't think I needed to get it right for my audience. Does it matter if a skipped a word or two? Is the director going to yell "'Cut' and scream at me because that dropped word just cost us $100,000? No, you fucking asshole, no one is going to say anything except you. I know it kills you to let it by, but next time I change a quote from the past to present tense keep your little OCD mouth shut, ok? I Hate You!
John F. from UW Stout really hates" You can't drive my truck/car guy. No need to consider the fact that you started drinking three hours before every body else, you are still the best candidate to drive us to the party. Ohh I know it's not personal, it's just that no one drives you vehicle except you. What happens if you break this rule? Do they take you off the douche bag mailing list? Now your absolutely right with your prediction that I won't know where the rear defrost button is under pressure. But that problem is more easily fixed our mailbox, witch you just fucking ran over. And thankfully I have been training, should such an emergency occur, since I was 16. Yes I have piloted one of these amazing metal chariots before. And lets not forget, your truck is kinda gay any ways.
Kim R. from University of Washington really hates" I generally hate people who try to beg shit from me. Homeless people I can deal with because I just give them my Canadian change, but the ones that piss me off the most and annoy me to no end are these random assholes that walk up to me at the bus stop while I am smoking a cigarette and they ask me, "Do you have an extra cigarette that I can bum from you?" LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! Look, I actually make a conscious effort to make sure that I have enough cigarettes to last me for the day. If I am down to my last few smokes, I actually go to the store and buy a pack or a carton with my own money which is a bitch because Washington state has some of the highest cigarette taxes in the country, and a carton of American Spirits can cost more than $60. Because I am actually clairvoyant enough to buy cigarettes when I am about to run out, I have to deal with these mooching retards three or four times per day who, despite being in college, do not have enough brain power to leave the house with enough smokes or to at least ration their supply until they can buy more. Sometimes they think that they are being more considerate by offering me $0.25 for a smoke. That's when I tell them that I also charge a $0.25 "you're annoying the shit out of me you mooching douchbag " tax. In my opinion, these jerks are only one step above smelly homeless people who beg for change. Buy your own cigarettes you pricks, and leave me alone!
Kim also hates" Mr. "I'm going to talk some shit to these random people You got my back?" No, I DON'T HAVE YOUR BACK YOU SUICIDAL RETARD! I'm a guy who (yeah, I'm a guy named Kim. Big whoop, wanna fight about it?) is 6-2, over 300 lbs and built like a college offensive lineman. These little dip-shits, who are generally a friend of a friend of a friend, seem to think that when they get wasted and they want to start talking shit to strangers that I'm going to back them up if shit goes down. BULLSHIT! I don't know if these random people that offended you so much are carrying blades, study Tae Kwon Do or are willing to use a broken beer bottle to fuck you up, but if you are going to be such a hot-headed little cunt, then you deserve to get cut up. Don't think for a second that my just being there means that I am going to help you or even try to diffuse the situation. While the rest of our group is having a good time drinking at the bar and minding our own business, you have to fuck it up because you are so fucking drunk that you let loose these uncontrollable drunken yells like "Hey baby, you're fucking hot! Suck my dick!" When her boyfriend eventually takes offense, you just can't control your self and you have to talk shit. That's where the "You got my back?" comes in. Fuck You! If you were by your self, you wouldn't be talking that shit, would you. No .but because we're hanging out in a group, you automatically think that gives you the right to talk shit without consequences and that we all care about you so much that we will not let any harm befall you. HAHAHAHA! Rather then help you out, I'm going to be laughing my ass off while you get knocked the fuck out because you deserve it. Then, after you have gotten your ass beaten, I'm going to wait until the people who have put you in your drunk ass place leave, and then I'm going to give you an extra kick to the ribs for getting us kicked out of the bar and ruining our pleasant evening of fun and drinking, you little shit-troll. I hate you and you deserve to get the shit kicked out of you!
Shannon from William Patterson University hates" the whiny cunts (this term applies to boys and girls in this case) in my calculus class that are like "professor can you go over all the homework I don't get I have diarrhea for brains" and then give him shit when he suggests that they stop wasting his time and my time and get their dumb fuck asses to the tutor center its there for a fucking reason you morons, smarter students are sitting on their asses getting paid waiting for you retarded douchebags to go there and get tutored, just because you are as brainless as the nasty shit I just took (trust me it was horrific) doesn't mean that you should make class any longer than it has to be while the teacher explains stuff a fucking 2 year old can understand, yes a 2 year old, the same being that shits his or her pants and then makes mom or dad wipe their ass could understand the easy shit that confuses these cunts, the worst part is I'm not even that smart, these people are just that fucking dumb, so to these mentally handicap fucknuts I say this, SHUT THE FUCK UP SO I CAN LEAVE CLASS EARLIER TO GO HOME AND STUFF MY FUCKING FACE WITH DINNER" I HATE YOU!
Jeff K. from Penn State really hates" Ms. Giant Sun Glasses. As long as Paris Hilton says they're cool, then it must be true. (Funny story about Paris Hilton; she's a skank. Don't believe me? Ask her father.) Anywhooo, I really feel that no matter how many people claim that they look good, somewhere, deep with in the recesses of their soul, they are laughing along with me. I'm sure that I will have several male detractors disagreeing with me, citing evidence that a lot of hot girls wear this particular style of sunglasses. I answer them thusly: you don't find it a bit suspicious that nearly 50% of these girls' faces are hidden behind overpriced plastic. What exactly are they hiding? The answer: ugliness. I've been told several times in my life that I'd be better looking if someone put a bag on my head with a picture of the Toxic Avenger drawn in crayon, but you don't see me doing it! Show us your faces.
Mike from Providence College really hates" I. Fucking. Hate. Tom. Cruise. His 'knowledge' of psychiatry is right up to par with his stature. Or for that matter, his dick as well. It's definitely non-existent. He has the gall to not only bash anybody with a mental ailment, but go on to say that it's NON-EXSISTENT? Oh my God. And the requirements for such bullshit? A high school diploma and a role in an action movie. WOW. Next thing you know, Little John is going to tell us that having Chlamydia is all in our heads and Nicolas Cage is going to deny the fact that we have a right foot and Eva Longoria will tell us that only pussies get cancer. Jesus. And Katie Holmes? The woman creeps me out even more than the man she's pretending to fuck. I can just picture Tom mixing drugs in her scientology energy drink. She's his fucking beard. The man is a sexually frustrated, delusional control freak. He gives gay people a bad name. Fuck Tom Cruise. He has Daddy issues yet to be resolved. Overmedicating is one thing. Telling millions of people that the voices in their head or the mood swings they go through aren't real is another thing. Tom Cruise, take your head away from Ryan Seacrest's ass and get back on your meds.
Juliet from New Jersey really hates" I fucking hate people who identify with "emo". Emo is not even a fucking adjective you stupid douche bags. Its a type of music, not people. The next time I read a myspace profile of someone who calls themselves "emo" I am going to google earth their address and fuck up their stupid shit eating face. Who the fuck do they think they are, ruining the name of a talented genre of music. "Emo" doesn't mean emotional, it means "emocore" (like the band Sunny Day Real Estate). Do you think no one understands you because you are complicated and different? No. It's because no one cares. Being in touch with your feelings and wearing women's clothing is a subculture, its called homosexuality. You're not "emo", you're "a faggot". I hope you slit your wrists and bleed to death in your bathtub, you piece of shit. I hate you.
Finally, Scott S. from Benedictine College really hates" I hate all those that need causes. All your tears and hours for some under-spoken group that you're sure needs saving. Stop trying to end (insert cause that no one really gives a shit about abortion, drinking, starving homeless dogs). If the world needed your help, they'd hire you. Get out of my face and stop sending petitions to my mailbox. Honestly, I don't care about that kid in South America, if I don't feed him cocaine will. Also, you non-traditional students. Yeah, so I get it that you've lived longer than me and saw more shit happen to fuck up the world. I don't care about your opinions in class and how things were different in your day. This is my time and computers and other "magical sci-fi machines" like the internet bill-pay are easy to use and understand. So the next time you enroll in Finance 101, don't tell me how the last time you did taxes was with the G.I. Bill and a slide ruler.
That's all, but remember to send your hate to Streeter@streeterseidell.com and don't forget to check out The Hate Blog.
Or swing by and say Hi to me at StreeterSeidell.com