Let's face it, college is hard. At least that whole going to class and waking up early part is. It's nothing like it is on television where problems are always solved in a half hour and you never really suffer any negative consequences for your actions. Which got me thinking, it would be pretty sweet if college were a sitcom. You wouldn't ever have to worry about "doing the right thing" or "just saying no" because everything would work out in the end. Here, I'll show you exactly what it would be like:
If college were a sitcom that whole episode about peer pressure would have never landed you in rehab six years later.
If college were a sitcom, that time you asked a feminist if politics was really the place for women there would have been laugh tracks instead of a bloody nose and five stitches.
If college were a sitcom your annoying neighbor in the dorm room down the hall could just be written off the show with no explanation. Like the youngest daughter on Family Matters. What ever happened to her? Once that kid's gone you would never hear from him or his Dungeons and Dragons groupies ever again. Plus, you could turn his room into a sweet lounge and design a dart board with his face on it.
If college were a sitcom, that time you got your girlfriend pregnant would have totally turned out to be a false alarm. Turns out she skipped her period because of mono and what you thought was morning sickness was actually just a bad batch of burritos. So, you're not going to be a daddy just yet. But now you have mono, so that sucks.
Remember that time you were diagnosed with genital herpes? Well, if college were a sitcom, health services would call you up at the end of the episode to let you know that your blood test was accidentally switched with the captain of the football team's. Phew. You're clean as a whistle.
How about the time your roommate went home for the weekend and you forgot to feed his fish? If college were a sitcom you could just go out to the pet store and buy new tropical ones. He'd never even know the difference.
If college were a sitcom that whole fiasco where you gave up the winning goal in the championship soccer game wouldn't be a big deal at all. In fact, the whole team would throw you a party for your great efforts all season instead of holding you responsible for single-handedly destroying your school's soccer program.
If college were a sitcom that DUI you got would be nothing more than a minor inconvenience. You wouldn't have had to spend the night in the drunk tank because your uncle just so happened to be on duty. So instead you would just get a heartfelt lecture (complete with Full House background music) and pledge to never do it again.
If college were a sitcom you would get locked inside the mall on Christmas Eve with your worst enemy from that rival fraternity only to find out you two had more in common than you ever could have imagined. But college isn't a sitcom and that kid's definitely still a dick.
If college were a sitcom then forgetting your girlfriend's birthday would not matter. And at the end of the show you could plan a big surprise birthday party for her at the last minute so that she'd forgive you, instead of breaking up with you and blowing her TA out of spite.
If college were a sitcom your chubby female friend would have a TV eating disorder instead of a real one. This means it would only last for twenty-four hours before she realized that she likes the way she is and that starving herself is no way to achieve happiness.
If college were a sitcom failing your economics finals would not be such a big deal. And when you tried to hide it from your parents only to be found out, you wouldn't be cut off financially, but would instead learn a valuable lesson about honesty and hard work. Also, the grade wouldn't be factored into your GPA.
Well, that's pretty much college sitcom life in a nutshell. You'd have some crazy adventures and things would go wrong for a few minutes until the perfect solution just walked right through your door. If Sitcom College were a real place I know I would definitely transfer there.