The struggling chain restaurant Bennigan's is rebranding itself in honor of James Joyce's whimsical stream-of-consciousness literary masterpiece Finnegans Wake. You know what? I think it's gonna work:
By Dan Hopper
Bennigan’s Wake! Fern Farmilly Foods Far Master Ben, Again.
Baffled O’er Wayngs
Ferrie’d and batter’d ontoth’ pate, Tree Favours: Spicy, Spacy, Spocy, Speckled, Spattled, Spainaird, Mahke Cry Yer Daisies!
Chick inn Case o’ Deedeedeedeedee
O! What black beens baned befare fayre sailsacream, walkamole, Jackchays is Christ!
outhwest. Urn Sampler
which he, so fairly did awant his portmantorturtained head, chose not, not chose, to knot Joe’s in one th’ chosen wanton top’d weth greenpeppered, grin papered, to grain piperr is human his cumin covered homes
And Witches And Witches
Waiter Pound Baif Beggar
Classic beggar betwixt the heaping hellpings. the buns of the breadsmaids, the green of the let us in, the dread of the plumb toe (made o’ thumb), the child of the chase, on yons (frayeder grilled), end baking crisp the stripped Baker’s Bayderkilkenny (add $0.75)
What, becornered four of terty meets b’akin the fullish rush’d descend which? Descendber! He picks, picks his tooth, n’sooth be soothwest he climbs later upon later upon later of terty! Uncover’d: made a noise when May annoys me!
Past Master Amri, Roobin
Past Master Amri, year classic robin: Master Amri, Seward Krout, Kaiser Breed, stopped under Rushbushtushflushingtintontoniantownonounced Dressings.
Ben, Again’s, On Trays
Fish (And Then There Is Of Course Chips)
Three wishes! Bear baited and frayed and slayed, slayed when at the side of the hushed poppys (egad!) and severed, top to top, cum saucitus tartar.
ate, trounced Sir Loin
Sir Loin bounces and trounces inunder, sure loins ashore lean o’er th’baked potatundertow. nay! can there not be vegetables a’tables stead? surely there can! and this is the way’t con currently wayves.
Caged in. Shrimple Shrimple! Imposstibowl
incream til ye devour the royal and unflower’d, sossed and spiked wath spacy shots, imparmanent. Tarry! twirl in genius, air pennys plane! Choice of soup or scaldedabbledeooddaybrewbowbeedidocthethoctitactitillydillyflingfloofleebablairborff.
Dee, he asserted
Mayde Pays! Pays! Payce be with thee
Cherry, Apple, Charry, Chapel, Charney, Maple, Chayple, Maypole, Maypie, Made Pies, Maid Piss, Mayde Pays! Pays! Payce be with thee, cherry tree
My sights bespectacled the crane and quakers. Shallthey, again this time I do relent, prtithing.
Cock, Day’t Cock, Cockderpayper, Sprout, Sprout’s Arrow, cafey coughing claifing teawaiter, t’wait o’er the boilingbrook whose fills refail th’times nolimit. Comb! Comb! Becomb the sweetne fair Master Ben, in hair where familly food’s awake dellight your tastytumbs the towns afar to worlds aclose.
Why? Yes! Tis with great harpspitality that we welcome you into