Alex Watt is on Twitter, Tumblr and an ego trip.
By Alex Watt
-Wrongtones -Plays a loud noise over whatever dumb thing you’re trying to say. -Image: “Now covering up: “I’ll bet dog meat would actually taste pretty dope.” -Friend or No, Why Would You Even Think That? -Helps you figure out if someone you’re attracted to is being nice or just being nice. -Image: Someone holding their iPhone in front of a babe while the phone displays “She thinks you look like a young Steve Brule.” -Tone Meter -Lets you monitor whether you sounded like you were playfully joking, or seriously being the biggest a-hole on the planet. -Image: A meter ranging from Earnest to Burnest. -S/O -Sends your phone text messages that look like they could be from a significant other. -Image: a text message from Cindy Baberton “"pls buy condoms we r almost out luv u bebe (heart emoji)"” -Nap Maps -Guides you to sleep while you’re carpooling with someone whom you have nothing to talk about. -Image: a “map” listing "driving" instructions for how to fall asleep with an accompanying map of the brain. Go straight ahead to warm water and whiskey. - Locate nearest flask of whiskey - Proceed to chug whiskey until nothing is left. - Go straight to sleep. -Plungr -Locates where the plunger is in a house, so you don’t have to ask. -Image: A map of a house showing that it’s “Under the sink, where it always is, you idiot.” -NOtifications -Won’t let you open Facebook in public if you don’t have any notifications. -Image: Mark Zuckerberg wagging his finger “no.” -Big Talk -Generates random topics for you to talk about that aren’t about temperature with friends, family, and other people who you can actually admit are strangers. -Image: Sitting in the middle seat on an airplane mood: “It’s humid.” Location: Airplane Seat: Middle Neighbor Status: Complete Stranger in a box labeled “Try Saying” put the “it’s humid” line -Do iHave Something Stuck in My Teeth? -Allows you to check if you have something in your teeth, saving your bathroom trips for going to the bathroom, catching your breath, and self-pep talks. -Image: iPhone camera screen, targeting reticule on screen that reads 'POPPYSEED DETECTED, FLOSS LEVEL ALPHA' -Death in the Family -Connects you with a guy, or guy who knows a guy, that can provide you with an excuse to get out of any obligation besides going to a funeral or serving jail time. -Image: Phone calling “Alexei (Russian Mob)”