By Charlie Laud
1) *The Classic -
The knot that started it all. The most common and most recognized of all headphone knots. All you need is a little elbow-grease and mental fortitude to get this one un-done.
2) *The Houdini
"Every now and then, when fortune smiles and providence got enough sleep the night before, we are presented with The Houdini. What appears to be an unfixable mess, more frustrating than a series finale of a TV show centered around a conspiracy - becomes but a distant memory with a flick and shake of the wrist. Experience relief more profound than thinking you slept in for work only to find out it’s Saturday. Perhaps there was never a knot... perhaps it was all a fantastical audiophilic nightmare. See also, The Mid-summer knot’s dream”
3) *The Combo Supreme
“If you were fishing, there'd be a boot or a toilet seat in there too. Don’t be mad - one of those stowaway pocket items probably has an immediate use. (Yum, is that a pretzel?) Technically you’re just being efficient. Remember, you don’t even have to untangle this one - the more esoteric the items you keep in your pockets, the more it looks like you’re just trying to make a fashion statement.“
Took out: Let's be honest, there was going to be a point in the near future where you probably would have needed any one of these assorted pocket items. Technically, you're just being efficient.
4) *The Standoff
Careful. What this knot needs is steady hands, patience, and maybe a navy seal bomb squad. Any sudden movements will send your ipod plummeting to the ground. Wait a minute, isn’t that how your first iPod broke? Well I guess that makes it personal. If last time your iPod fell was Rocky IV, this time is, uh... the last third of Rocky IV.
5) *The Quasi Modo
"A knot that'll let you still use your headphones… if you're willing to walk around slouched over from the lack of slack caused by all those knots. Fun fact: This is why they invented those fancy pocket-shirts. Don’t worry about your posture, a nice crew neck from J-Crew should draw onlooking eyes from your newfound hunch."
6) *The Gym Rope
This one doesn't seem so bad, right? There's plenty of slack left to listen to your music comfortably, isn't there? Sure. Maybe now there is. But things add up. Sooner or later, your poor headphone-wrapping habits will catch up with you and you'll be stuck with a worthless mass of consumer electronic refuse.
7) *The Handyman
These headphones work like new, provided you only shop at garage sales. A mainstay of DIY-magic, this knot has an irreplaceable rustic charm to it. A half-Thomas Edison half-Macgyver couldn’t have done a better job. Heck, as long as you remain perfectly still, the left headphone probably won’t do the scratchy peter-in-and-out thing. Probably.
8) *The Mobius
"Here's a knot that wasn't caused so much by the constant folding and wrinkling of your pockets as it was by the folding and wrinkling of the space-time continuum, leaving it literally impossible to untangle. Pro-tip: Instead of throwing these headphones away, maybe call NASA or CERN and see if they'd be interested in taking them off your hands. "