By Hallie Cantor
Start: 1. Did you actually start reading here? Yes. (arrow to 2) 1.5 (this option is floating slightly below 1 with a picture of a penguin eating pizza) No, I started down here because it had a fun picture of a penguin eating pizza! (arrow to 3) 2. Do you understand the basic rules of logic? Yes. (arrow to 4) No. (arrow points back at the word No.) 4. Can you handle yes or no questions? Yes. (arrow to 5) Purple. (arrow to 3) 5. Are you focused right now, or are you watching a video of a hedgehog taking a bath in another tab? I’m focused, though I will be googling that immediately after this. (arrow to 11) Eeeee, those little paws! (arrow to 9) 3. You’re not doing great so far. Are you good at following straight lines with your eye? Yes. (straight line arrow to 7) No. (broken and squiggly line arrow to 8) 7. Are you going to look where this arrow tells you to look? Yes. (arrow to 9) Nope, I’m gonna arbitrarily look two inches to the left! (arrow points two inches to the right of 14) 8. Do you speak English? Yes. (arrow to 7) Non. (arrow to 6) 6 Si vous ne parlez pas anglais, votre voyage se termine ici. Vous êtes probablement très bien avec des organigrammes étrangers, mais vous êtes de merde à ceux américains. 9. Are you cheating and scrolling down to the bottom to make sure you get a certain result? No way. (arrow to 11) I may have GLANCED down there. I’m only human. (arrow to 13) 10. Fair enough. (arrow to 11) 11 Do you get confused by repetition? No. (arrow to 12) 12. Do you get confused by repetition? No. (arrow to Result 1) Wait. Didn’t you just ask that? (arrow goes to 11) 13. If you get a result you don’t like, are you going to go back and switch your answers? No. I will live with the verdict, however horrible. (arrow to Result 1) Yeah. Duh. (arrow to 10) 14. A pony saying “Are you good at handling distractions?” Yes. Go away. (arrow to 13) Ooh, distractions? Tell me more. (arrow is link leading to a google image search of ponies) 15 (not attached to anything, just floating in space) Aw, did you get lost? …Maybe. (arrow to 14) Result 1: Congratulations, you’re not a complete idiot! Result 2: (no arrows lead to this answer) You’re so bad at following flowcharts, there’s no way you’ve made it far enough to read this.