Illustrations by Ross Nover
By Hallie Cantor
Goofus and Gallant (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/__dO31_PK2kE/RdcIrSpSycI/AAAAAAAAAFo/FCIizCGc5lA/s400/GoofusGallant_Oct1980_lg.jpg)
“Goofus drinks too much and hits on girls.” (He drunkenly grinds up on a girl on the dance floor)
“Gallant sends a Facebook message.” (Sitting at the computer, typing: “Hey! looked like
you had a good time tonight lol. Can’t believe we werent fb friends yet haha”)
“Goofus sleeps late in the morning.” (in boxers, he high-fives everyone in his hallway as the girl leaves his room in the morning)
“Gallant rises early to study.” (he gawks at Goofus and the girl, while pathetically holding a textbook and backpack in his doorway)
Hidden Pictures (http://www.highlightskids.com/GamesandGiggles/HiddenPics/HIddenPixFlashObjects/V2_f5/h8HPI_V2_f5.asp?hpMode=1&n3=V2HPI_bearFamilyVacation_f5.swf&varsIn=1)
“Find the drug paraphernalia hidden in the dorm room!”
Picture of a dorm room with a bong, vodka bottle, six-pack of beer, rolled-up dollar bill,
bowl, rolling papers, baggie of weed, and shotglass all sitting in plain view on the desk,
not hidden at all.
Check...and Double Check
“Find the differences before and after your first semester!”
Both show a guy sitting at dorm desk.
- picture of him with a girl-next-door-type on his computer desktop
- notebooks and folders neatly arranged on desk
- small containers of Raisin Bran, Veggie Snacks, Wheat Thins
- plant in window
- roommate’s bed (or desk) is visible. A note reads “Mike- Think I saw a mouse or
something before? Be careful –Ted”
- whiteboard says: “To Do: Call Mom, wash sheets, beat Halo 2”
- guy has a beer gut
- desk has one leg broken
- rat traps all over the floor
- youporn.com on his computer
- papers in disarray all over desk
- only food is giant economy-size box of Kraft mac and cheese, with a hole in it and a
rat’s tail sticking out
- plant in window is dead
- Roommate’s side of room is completely empty. Note reads “Mike- Couldn’t take the
rats anymore. Got RA to switch my room. See ya, Ted”
- whiteboard says: “To Do: Call Mom, wash sheets, beat Halo 2” (Hopefully the writing can be big enough to read, though I’m not sure it’s possible?
Roommate’s notes could instead be written on the whiteboard if that’s easier)
“It’s Parent’s Weekend!”
Pa shakes Tommy’s hand in Tommy’s dorm room. Hanging on the walls are a
Motivational poster with the caption “WHOLESOMENESS” and the periodic table of
“This is Tommy’s roommate.”
A big athlete in a sports jersey, not made of wood like the Timbertoes are. He is staring at
“Mabel makes a friend.”
Mabel grinding up on Tommy’s roommate at a party, her ponytail askew.
“So does Spot.”
Spot growling and refusing to give back a frisbee to an angry Ultimate Frisbee team.
“Time to say goodbye!”
The family stands outside the car. Their pet goat is there too. The car has a “We Break for
Wooden Squirrels” bumper sticker and a “Jesus Rocks!” bumper sticker.
“Ma cries again.”
Ma grips Tommy in a hug. He looks uncomfortable.
“Happy Parent’s Weekend!”
Through Tommy’s window, we see the family car driving away. Tommy’s taking
down the wholesome posters to reveal a girls-making-out poster and a periodic table
of mixology poster. (If there’s room, Tommy’s roommate can be facebook-friending
Your Own Pages
Drawn on a bathroom stall door, a butt with poop coming out.
“Joe, Age 18”
A doodle in notebook margins: an eye, some spirals, part of a to do list (“refill birth control, get solo cups, make fb invite”)
“Ana, Age 20”
A passed-out guy’s cheek with a dick drawn on it.
“Drew, Age 19”