Illustrated by Caldwell Tanner.
A Royal Proclamation from Queen Beyonce
By Will Stephen
A ROYAL PROCLAMATION WHEREAS by an Act of Parliament, passed on the Seventeenth day of March, Two Thousand and Thirteen in the Tenth year of Her Reign, entitled “An Act for Any Bitches That Think They Can Step”, and the Government thereof, and for purposes connected therewith, it is enacted: That from henceforth, all subjects of the Queen throughout Her Kingdom and the borders therein shall not and cannot, at risk of swift and severe punishment, get it twisted. That in spite of the loose and hostile tongues of ill-advised Women under Her Rule who may have dreamt of one day attaining a position of and in Her world, yet have thereby forgotten the Allegiance which they owe to the Power that has protected and sustained them: this Her shit. That She, in all Her Fierceness and Being ‘bout that Life, is, in an addendum to the previous statute, currently, from this Proclamation forth, on that H-Town Shit. That any and all subjects heretofore known as Bitches must, at any mention or sighting of Her, Queen B or Mme. Sasha Fierce, immediately Bow Down, out of respect and subservience to, again, This Shit being Hers. That any subject in violation of these statutes will hereby find their earthly possessions justly seized by those in Her honorable service, compiled in a single box therein, and placed, on royal decree, to to the left of their estate. That, in addition, any subject in violation of these statutes, by doing so, is, from henceforth under penalty of law, not fucking with Young Hov, whose Flow you all Know is Loco. That Females, Bitches henceforth exempted, still, by her Word and Proclamation, run the World. That all subjects must continue, in due course, to pay their automobills. God Save the Queen