Craigslist is a great place to find housing and also to find weirdos who will pay some or all of your rent if you do sex stuff with them. Here are 10 real outside-the-box roles you can fill in exchange for room and board TODAY:
1. Live-In Girlfriend And Possibly Mother of This Guy's Children Because Why Not, He Already Has a Spare Room for the Kids
The most hilarious part of this highly presumptuous offer is the requirement that you "be able to hold your own in jeans or formal." Not only does it read like criteria for a beauty pageant, but the phrase "hold your own" lets us know that this guy is setting a HIGH standard that any future lady needs to be able to match. After all, he does his own cooking AND cleaning.
2. Horse Farm Associate
FINALLY, a horse farm that will charge me a REASONABLE rate in exchange for my willingness to feed/muck/t.o.(???).
3. Short Term Benefit-Provider for a Divorced White Male
He probably means to describe himself as a divorced white male, but DWM is far more commonly used to refer to "dead white males." Which effectively makes this is an ad for a GHOST ROOMMATE. Great movie idea, terrible living situation.
4. Female Roommate Who Is Not a Pet
Got it, you don't want the platonic roommate you occasionally have sex with to be a cat or dog. Because THAT would get weird.
5. Old Man's Eye Candy
There is no way this "older, mature, established, sexy" and "420 friendly" man is not literally one hundred years old.
6. Housekeeper With Fingerprints
"FINGERPRINTING MANDATORY." Boy, if you're this chill about the hiring process, I can already tell you're gonna be a fun boss.
This guy's a profesional with a busy schedule, so he doesn't have time to waste on pretending to be interested in an emotional, friendly, or even courteous relationship. Nope, he wants a hottie who will blow him and then take out the dry cleaning. His straightforwardness sets a bold example for us all.
8. Submissive to a Married Couple
Consider this a PSA to creeps everywhere: check your posts for typos, please. I don't know what a fun tile is, but I don't think I want to take part in one.
9. Non-Sexual Bed-Friend
"Got it? Definitely not a sexual proposition. Just a friend who sleeps in the same bed as me. Who is a woman. That I am attracted to. And may start having sex with. So it's NOT SEXUAL. Okay?"
10. Live-In Girlfriend/Cook/Maid/Life Partner
Yeah, man, we all get why it's great to have a significant other to share our lives with/farm out our chores to. You don't need to convince us. What you do need to do is explain why you think the Craigslist real estate section is the best place to look for a girlfriend. It isn't. There are many other, better places. Even if you only want to use a website, that's fine! THERE ARE WEBSITES SPECIFICALLY FOR THIS PURPOSE.
11. Submissive House Cleaner
The beauty of this one is in the near-poetic ambiguity. Does the writer mean a submissive kinky-sex partner who also cleans the house? Or do they just really want a live-in maid who won't make eye contact with them?
12. Luckiest Girl Alive
"Yes, ladies. You read that right: it's real. I know it seems too good to be true, but pinch yourself, because you are not dreaming. Not only do you get to live in a place described as a 'nice house,' but you also get to date a man who is open-minded and mature enough to be 'flexible' about you even if you're not a 'fit blond.' Please, try to contain your visible sexual excitement."