Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you've done to your roommate. If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins at the bottom of this page.

You Break My Snowboard, I Break You - Image 3

Me and my friend were living together, and everything was great. But our rent was ridiculously expensive and our landlord was annoying. So we decided to move into a cheaper place and find a third roommate. Her friend from out of town was moving up so we invited her to live with us, and regretted it immediately. She was so irresponsible, for the 6 months she lived with us, her rent was late every time. She couldn't afford the damage deposit even though she claimed she would have enough by the move it date. She constantly came home hammered with a random guy, would be hung over the next morning and make a huge breakfast (with OUR food), would leave the leftovers for us to clean up (literally would have left it until it was moldy), and would have ridiculously obnoxious loud sex next door to me at 3am when I had to work the next morning. Well, my friend and I were getting seriously pissed off with her about this, and were trying to think of a way to get rid of her. 1 month she decided to let a friend stay at our place, without asking, and we were pissed until we realized he was awesome. So we decided to kick her out and ask him to move in with us. She was furious, and moved back across two provinces and wanted us to send her the clothes she left behind. Some I sent, filled with dirty kitty litter, the rest I lied about and threw out instead of sending. And it felt good. That's what you get for leaving before paying me the 300 left of damage deposit you owed me.- Anonymous

Andrew, I asked you not to use my beard trimmer and you did. After I asked you a second time to please not use it, you used it again. It was very obvious. My room is right next to the bathroom. You would go in and I could hear the sound of it. Then you would leave it in the wrong place and leave all your hair in the sink. Well dude, after that I just got another one and kept it in my room. I continued to use the one you still use to this day, but on my pubes, and on special occasions my ass hair. Don't you know that its gross to share personal hygiene products? I didn't call you "pubeface" because your mustache was bad, but for reasons you now understand. Sorry man, but I asked you to stop. Congrats on graduating!!!!- Anonymous

So I had this roommate at camp a few years ago who was seriously the biggest dirt bag you'd ever meet. We shared a closet and she would re-wear underwear a few times before washing it….I know…it's gross…and she would leave the dirty underwear in our closet mixed in with all of our clean clothes…also when she was on her period she would change her tampon before bed each night and just throw them in our garbage can instead of walking to the bathroom and flushing it…so our room reeked like filthy panties and rag…I gagged every time I walked in our room. I got really sick of it… seriously anyone would…So one day when she was in the shower I emptied the contents of our garbage into her pillow case (including her dirty blood stoppers) and I took every pair of underwear she had and threw them out (she was in the shower, and therefore naked…so she had no undies for the rest of camp. I took my stuff and slept in my friends room on the floor for the remaining 4 days…But it was hilarious watching her squirm in her uniform pants (which were wool and she had nothing on underneath them) …and with all that trash in her pillow case it was probably pretty hard to sleep. She flipped out when she finally took her pillow case and sheets off to wash and found the trash…NEXT TIME JUST USE HYGIENE U SMELLY BITCH AND NO ONE WILL FUCK WITH YOU :)- Anonymous

Dearest Nik – remember our fun winter rooming together in that posh 2br/2ba apt? Well, I knew you were stealing my hard-earned cash out of my stashbox, using my make-up (thanks for the pink eye!), and throwing parties was I was working overnights and letting people sleep in my bed while I was gone for weekends. I also know you were the one who 'took' my 'missing' bank envelope with my $400 dollars I was going to buy a new snowboard bindings with. Just to let you know – I'm the one who broke out your tail light that night you were shitty drunk at the bar and got pulled over for it and ended up in jail, when you called, sobbing for me to come post your bail so you wouldn't lose your job, I did have the $1500 bond, I just really didn't feel like driving across town. Remember the many, many times you'd shut the dryer off and leave all my work clothes sopping wet, so I would be late for work? Well, I started peeing in your detergent, spitting in your foundation and letting my guy friends take your underwear. I also know you borrowed my $900 snowboard; it came back gouged the hell out of the bottom and sides, causing it to de-laminate and be ruined. Luckily for you, I WORKED AT THE SKI RESORT YOU WENT TO DUMBASS and I saw you with it that day, letting your tool boyfriend grind rails with it. Ever wonder what happened to your iPod, which I convinced you got stolen from your purse on one of your drinking binges? I pawned it. You still owe me…hm, around $1200, by the way bitch; and get a fucking job instead of stealing my money!- Anonymous

Hey Kyle, remember the time you smoked yourself schizo from your mom's weed? Remember when you blamed me? Well, me helping you get to the mental hospital was fucking payback for years of you insulting me for being "big". PS: When you were in the mental hospital, I had a three-way with your girlfriend. Also, I found your hidden stash of porn she made for you and posted it on it on the net.- Anonymous

when I was a freshman, I was stuck with how can I describe it…'the fat lazy one.' When I opened the door to our room he immediatly threw his bag on the top bunk, and claimed he was watching the tv first, wouldn't have minded this but when its 3am and your trying to rest up for your second day it can get to you, I thought he might have changed his ways after a while but no, six months of this I endured, and his wildebeast of a girlfriend with her glass shattering voice didnt exactly ease the problem, so I'd had it. I decided to do whatever I could to get back at you, so I went out and bought 3 porno magazines, a bit of milk, some eggs and a wad of TP, I put the mags on your bed and covered them with the egg, then I sprayed some of your horrible deodorent on it, it looked like you had had fun all over the place, I poured the milk into your pillow and let it sit in the closet for a while until it well and truly stank and then I clogged the toilet with the TP and let it overflow onto your sheets I put them back and left with my pillow, sheets and MY flatscreen to my girlfriend's for a while, as I recall your wildebeast left you and called you a perv, the toilet was so clogged that they HAD TO CALL A PLUMBER so you gained the nickname 'clogger' and that you went around the campus the next day smelling of off milk, hmm glad to get that burden off my chest :-)- Anonymous

Hey, just wanted to say thanks for keeping me up until 3 or 4 in the morning on school nights all year long (this summer, too, with work in the morning!). Business majors must have it rough compared to us majoring in engineering- you deserve parties 4 times a week. I'll have to sincerely apologize for randomly taking a piss in your bed every now and then. I'm surprised you and your girlfriend actually slept in it for a few weeks before you decided to change your sheets- must have just thought your dog, Charlie, pissed in your room somewhere (oh, and thanks for not asking me whether it's okay to illegally keep a dog in the apartment). "Charlie, come on Charlie, come downstairs! What's wrong with you, Charlie?" About that- I'm also sorry for getting your dog stoned out of its mind to the point where it couldn't move. Oh, and you wonder why your laptop doesn't work anymore? Yeah, turns out a cup of salt water will do that. Tell your mom I said "Thanks!" for spoiling you with mailing those $15 gift cards for restaurants and gas stations all over Ames every week- those ended up working real well for me after I found out what a complete douche bag you are. One more thing- I've noticed you still haven't changed your toothbrush for quite a while. You might want to check that… don't you think it smells kind of funny? Go fuck yourself.- Anonymous

Hey Chuck remember how your fat as fuck and never do anything at all? Seriously man, waiting for the elevator during a fire alarm is just pathetic. But if your wondering why you couldn't use the elevator for 2 months its because we took your key and cut it different so it wouldn't fit. I hope you had plenty of time to reflect on what a dick you were when I tried to bring my g/f over for the first time…as you were climbing up 14 flights of stairs everyday. p.s. Sorry about the xbox too…- Anonymous