Carnival Cruise Is Getting Desperate
By Susanna Wolff
[image: beautiful pictures of a ship on the water] The boats are less disgusting than you think. [image: smiling couple leaning on the rail of a ship] Our toilets definitely work now. [smaller] That said, you don't really need functional toilets when you're on the open sea, because it's basically one big toilet, right? [image: real photo of a darkened Carnival ship http://www.cfnews13.com/content/news/articles/cfn/2013/4/18/carnival_cruise_ship/_jcr_content/contentpar/articleBody/image.img.jpg/1366287897633.jpg] Leave the hustle and bustle of the city and take a ride on our new electricity-free cruise ship. [image: someone about to puke overboard] Get your toes in the sand and your barf in the sea. Starting at $219 [image: same person as above actually puking overboard] Get your toes in the sand and your barf in the sea. Starting at [$219 crossed out] $104 [image: someone lounging by a pool on a ship] Forget about your bowels! We've got clean towels! [image: same as above, but the water is now tinged brown] Forget about your bowels! We've got [clean crossed out] towels! [image: person giving thumbs up while sitting on the toilet] You'll probably lose weight. [image: people having a great time on lounge chairs] We would like to apologize to all of our customers for the subpar vacation experience we have provided in the past. We promise that we have rectified all problems with the plumbing and electricity, and we are now equipped to provide you with the level of comfort we have always promised. [image: boat capsized] Well, shit.