In case you haven't heard, Melissa Joan Hart tried to take a page from the Veronica Mars playbook and fund a movie of her own on Kickstarter. The plan failed spectacularly, raising only $50,000 of its $2,000,000 goal. The project was canceled two days ago, but the page is still up, so let's rip it apart, shall we?

1. The Video

Her mother—clearly not an actress herself—suggests she does this movie about a walk of shame, then, when Melissa Joan Hart doesn't know what that is, she defines it in a way that unnecessarily uses the phrase "booty call." Then, duh, she uses Sabrina magic to make the director magically appear. And then she begs "fans" to donate so she can be in a movie that won't remind people of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Right from the start, this project is f*cked.


2. The Plot

The 5 Best Parts of Melissa Joan Harts Horrible Failure of a Kickstarter

The premise of this movie is that a thirty-something woman is embarrassed about sex. The actual "walk of shame" could have been comedic gold (though I'll wager $2,000,000 it wasn't), but this movie would still be shit with such a prude conflict.


3. The Part Where She Blames Hollywood Execs for Her Lack of a Film Career

The 5 Best Parts of Melissa Joan Harts Horrible Failure of a Kickstarter

Definitely has nothing to do with her actual talent or ability to pick good movies.


4. The Worst Backer Rewards Ever

The 5 Best Parts of Melissa Joan Harts Horrible Failure of a Kickstarter

Paying $100 to have actors who are even less famous than Melissa Joan Hart follow you on Twitter for a year? And $10,000 for Melissa Joan Hart and the other random nobodies from this hypothetical film to make a video for you to show at your wedding? Let's be realistic: if you're donating $10,000 to this movie, nobody is marrying you.


5. Why Is This Movie Set in Thailand?

The 5 Best Parts of Melissa Joan Harts Horrible Failure of a Kickstarter

When a director who looks like this wants to unnecessarily film a movie in Thailand, you've got to assume sex stuff is involved.


Anyway, thanks for trying, Melissa, from the bottom of the Internet's Hart!