Welcome to Rough Love, the column where we share your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories. If you think you can top this batch of rough loving, submit your story at the bottom of this page.

That Was The Dogs Tongue


I told my girlfriend that I thought waking up to a blow job would be the greatest thing ever. Sure enough, a few weeks later I woke up to what I thought was her licking my sack. I kept my eyes closed and pretended I was still sleeping. A minute later I heard her laughing but the licking continued. I opened my eyes and her dog was in between my legs… She was watching the whole time and decided not to tell me. Glad she thought it was hilarious, because I'm scarred.- Anonymous

One day my boyfriend and I were having sex on his office floor and he and I were role playing and he was pretending to be a college professor. During the role playing I said "Oh professor, I don't know if I should have sex with you, since I have a boyfriend"…and my boyfriend replied with, in character of course….."Screw your boyfriend….Ah, well, where is he, I will screw him too"….. and we both busted out laughing for 5 mins and couldn't finish… since then we could never have sex in his office again because we would always think of how funny that was…. Since then we stay away from role playing… he doesn't seem to be the best at it… hahah!- Anonymous

My girlfriend and I made a deal, if I quit World of Warcraft, I'll get more sex. I've done well, I've almost gone a month. Unfortunately for the both of us, there's a new patch coming out…looks like I'll need to start using my hands again.- Anonymous

I once had food poisoning for ten days, it was so bad that anything that came near my stomach immediatley came out both ends at the same time. I was complaining to my girlfriend at the the time and told her that I couldn't even fart without something coming out. She laughed at me and proceeded to rip (voluntary) farts around me for awhile until a look of horror popped on her face. She immediatley ran to the bathroom. She totally crapped her pants! Hah!- Anonymous

I go to the grocery store with my wife all the time. During that time of the month, i'll follow her when she needs her "supplies". When shes choosing her brand, i make sure to say in a louder voice, "IS THERE ANYTHING BIGGER THAN SUPER?" and "YAH BUT YOU'VE GOT A REALLY HEAVY FLOW!" She'll usually slap me (domestic violence right??) and get really embarassed amd pick what ever embarassed amd pick what ever she can grab first and get out of there. Thank god she doesnt read this or i might be in big trouble.- Anonymous

I have been with the same girl for two years now, and every six months she purchases a video game as a "prize for being with her this long." Naturally, I didn't complain much. So, another six months has passed and she bought me, Dead Island (I love rpgs). Sadly, I hate it. It has been three weeks and I haven't played yet because my girlfriend won't get off. She plays all day. Then is too tired to have sex when she is finished playing. I hate video games.- Anonymous

So I started seeing this new girl a couple of weeks back, and the other day we got to talking about oral, and I mentioned that there was no point to her giving me head shortly after we have sex, as my goods usually need a bit more time to recover. I mentioned that my ex (of 3 years) could never get me to come if she went down on me right after we did the deed. Well, this wonderful woman took on the challenge successfuly. Since then she told me that she would like to give me head in all different sorts of circumstances "for sceintific information gathering purposes". The things I will do for science- Anonymous

I am usually the one to initiate any sort of sex-fun-time in the relationship I am in, due to my forward nature. One night my guy and I were laying in bed watching "King of the Hill" and I was feeling very frisky. I kept kissing him and messing around with his "spots" until I got frustrated that he was glued to the stupid computer screen. Finally I just said, "Dude. Do you want to have sex?" He looked over at me (he is used to my blunt nature), and said, "Yeah baby, of course." So I remove my clothes, and then sit there looking at him looking at the computer screen. Finally I said, "Damnit Dale!" to get his attention and he looks at me and laughs, then goes back to watching the show. Damnit Dale, indeed.- Anonymous

My GF and I are long distance and we had been together about four month. I went to visit her but I had missed my flight the night I was supposed to arrive. The next day I was naturally exhausted, so that night I passed out right when I got into bed. At 6 in the morning, I felt a hand in my pants reaching for my junk, so I naturally woke up. I thought she was also awake so I proceeded to try to have sex with her. We ended up doing it for like an hour and we set off the fire alarm (she has one of those fire alarms that go off depending on moisture level in the air; her windows were closed…). Her housemate probably didn't get much sleep that morning. Anyways, later I found out that she was apparently still asleep when she reached into my pants. I still tease her about that night sometimes.- Anonymous