By Caldwell Tanner
The 7 Breeds of Dog People
A dude taking a picture of a spaniel walking on two legs. (GIF)
Quote: "This is gonna get so many likes!"
Breed Info: These feisty scamps love to herd media and then present it to their online peers for validation.
Additional Notes: Thrives on attention, but can be annoying insistent.
A girl walking a terrier wearing a glittery sweater. The terrier's hair has been dyed tied up in a bow. It also wears sunglasses and dog booties. The girl is similarly dressed.
Quote: "Cleo's less of a dog and more of the perfect accessory."
Breed Info: A refined animal with difficult tastes that some might find off-putting and even more will find downright insufferable.
Additional Notes: Requires several hours of brushing, primping and outfit-planning.
A stern-looking older woman in a suit dress points as a basset hound jumps through a hoop.
Quote: " I TAUGHT HIM THAT ME I DID."
Breed Info: A talented breed that loves showing off.
Additional Notes: Overly competitive
A firm, pointy looking blond man, stands next to a stern dobermann
Quote: "Our family has always used a breeder and we ALWAYS WILL. Isn't that right, Klaus?"
Breed Info: A purebred specimen with an intense sense of loyalty. May not get along well with other breeds.
Additional Notes: Will loudly bark if threatened, defends its values with rigid ferocity.
A hipster, aubrey plaza-esque girl with a three-legged pit bull.
Quote: "Ryan Pawsling was born with permanent worms so we have to keep him on an all-kale diet, but that just makes us love him even more. Seriously, opening your heart to a rescue animal is the best thing you can do with your life."
Breed Info: An extremely caring, albeit stubborn creature that loves nothing more than pawing at your conscious.
Additional Notes: Will occasionally chew people out.
An old man addresses an Irish Setter, his wife looks annoyed.
Quote: "Hey marcy, can you tell mommy that she forgot to buy toilet paper again and that daddy had to use an old magazine, can you do that for daddy?
Breed Info: True pack animals. They will treat any addition to the family as one of their own.
Additional Notes: Cannot have puppies past a certain age, may eventually come to regret that decision.
Two bros stand next to a dopey-looking lab. It is smoking and wearing sunglasses
Quote: "IT WORKED!"
Breed Info: A fun-loving breed. They will mellow out with age, but until then should never be left unsupervised.
Additional Notes: Allergic to responsibility and common sense. Neuter /Spay recommended.