Ever wonder what the WORST CITIES IN THE COUNTRY are? We put together this definitive list of cities that SUCK so you can SHARE IT ON FACEBOOK if you're FROM ONE OF THEM OR KNOW SOMEONE WHO LIVES IN ONE OF THEM which is inevitable because there's TOO MANY CITIES ON THIS LIST for it to be MEANINGFUL AT ALL. Actually most of these cities are great, but whatever. The point is, SHARE THIS ON FACEBOOK to show that you live in, have lived in, or know someone who lives in essentially any city ever.
1. New York City
Sure, lemme spend $9 billion a month to live in a thimble with two roommates who are literally rats in Mets caps. Uhhh, no thanks! Amazing restaurants and culture though, really just no other city in the world like it.
2. Los Angeles
It takes six and a half hours to drive six and a half inches so I can get served coffee by some wannabe actor who spits in my cup cause he's pissed about his failed audition for Wrangler Jeans? Sign me up! Especially because the weather's nice all year round and it never rains and there's so much to do there.
3. Washington D.C.
Don't even get me STARTED on the douchey nightlife in THIS garbage city that you'd only live in if you're working one of many government jobs or jobs in any number of important fields and/or living in one of the many new, affordable young neighborhoods and also the National Mall is super nice.
The Windy City? More like, the SHITTY City. Lemme freeze my ass off on an elevated train surrounded by wonderful people and neighborhoods. Post THIS on your friend-from-Chicago's Facebook wall and THAT'LL SHOW EM (how nice the city is).
This city's WICKED AWESOME! Haha actually wicked terrible. Nah it's nice, great people, great neighborhoods, and an absolutely unmatchable history. OF SUCKING! Haha, jk, of being great. AT SUCKING! Nah it's great. or is it? Yep. (Nope??) Share please:
PHILLY SPORTS SUCKKSSSSSS please share this on your Philly friend's wall so we get free trolly clicks and start a really empty needless argument about angry sports fans. DID YOU KNOW PHILLY BOOED SANTA CLAUS LIKE 50 YEARS AGO???? Click here to share this article:
Whoa, look how high up Pittsburgh is on the list! Better share this with your friends from Western Pennsylvania! We'll even go the extra link-baiting mile and call it the PARIS OF APPALACHIA. Or it SUCKS! Whichever you want.
Portland scored super high on our really arbitrary metric we came up with to make this list seem super official! Cost of Living: 10/10! Swellness: A+ Job Opportunities: Magicality: MAXIMUM.
Just got reminded of Seattle by putting Portland on the list. Seattle's awesome too! Unless you hate HIPSTERS and their STUPID BLACK GLASSES made out of VEGAN BRUNCH INDIE MUSIC or whatever. Weather's both nice and sucks. Frasier.
Awesome barbecue and music scene but also bad for some reasons probably let's keep rolling we got a lot of these to go.
11. New Orleans
Nothing like some red beans n' rice n' jambalaya n' gumbo n' beignets n' jazz
12. San Francisco
Whoops meant to put this higher but whatever we're just making this shit up as we go along. The important thing is: Share this article with your friends if you have ever been to San Francisco or heard of it.
13. San Diego
Might as well knock this one out too while we're thinking about it. Perfect weather, great Mexican food, cool zoo, but probably some dumb bars and like, screw those seals. The seals are actually cool but we gotta hedge our bets here and troll you into posting this if you love San Diego, so yeah, screw those seals in that place. You hear that, seals??? Also support our Navy troops.
Heard it's nice but also rice takes longer to cook SHARESHARESHARE
Lots of great music (SHARE BUTTON) but only if you like that type of music.
16-18. Cincinnati, Cleveland, Columbus
CLICK ANYWHERE TO POST ON FACEBOOK WALL OF EVERYONE WHO'S EVER BEEN BORN IN OHIO:
Great, far, Share
21-35. The Rest Of New England Cape Cod, Portland Maine, Hartford, New Haven, Stamford, Providence, Newport, Burlington, all of New Hampshire, The Ben n' Jerry's Factory, Lobster City, Cambridge, Nicetown, Antiques, College
Not in the U.S., technically, but we can now we can count all of Canada and make some benign Canada jokes Healthcare! They are polite but NOT ABOUT HOCKEY! and now you can share this article with any Canadian you've ever met. Now we're SHARIN' with SHARE gas.
37ish. Minneapolis or All Of Minnesota Really
Ooh, I know a bunch of people from Minnesota. Hang on I'm gonna post this on their walls, you all go do the same #Thanks #Minnesota #list
Bet you didn't see THAT coming, huh, Omaha-ians! Aren't you EVEN MORE EXCITED that we mentioned you now???
Oh man, what other cities even are there? Hang on lemme Google "Biggest Cities In The U.S." so I make sure I hit the remaining ones with the most share potential, regardless of their goodness or badness. Haha just kidding! This is a really accurate and comprehensive evaluation of these cities so please keep reading n' sharing (shreading).
Oh! Houston. Obviously. Durr.
Didn't realize Phoenix was #6! Cool. Anyway, shoutout to that place.
43. San Antonio
Just take a bunch of the other Texas stuff we've already typed and like add the Alamo or whatever. You're on a list guys! Share!!!
44. Dallas is next?? Whatever, just like, share this list if you're from anywhere in Texas, cool?
45. San Jose
Yup that's a place. Sharks. Traffic. San Jose baby.
Don't even get us STARTED on Jacksonville!
You KNOW you're from Indianapolis when thing happens! WINK
48. San Francisco
Wait we did this one already. Eh, whatever, if you already Facebook shared this, San Franciscoans, now Tweet it.
49. All Those Other Florida Cities
(Reminder: Insert Easy Florida Jokes here)
50. FILL IN THE BLANK WITH YOUR HOMETOWN
There! That's everything. Now you know the WORST cities in America. Can you BELIEVE our choices?? Pretty shocking, huh? Guess you better share it on your friends' Facebook walls so you can be like "Ha ha your city SUCKS according to this one website who's clearly trying to get your attention." But really we love these cities so if you happen to live in or are from one of these select 50 giant cities (or any of the surrounding metro areas, we'll count those too), proudly share this on your wall also.
Coming Up Next Week: The 700 (Adjective TBD) Colleges In America!!! Will YOURS be on the list? BETTER CLICK!