Six Ways to Tell if Your Weekend is Going to Suck

Now, I'm not talking about games like World of Warcraft, Call of Duty, or even MineCraft. If you're playing those games, that's probably something you do even if you're having a great weekend. No, I'm talking about games like Farmville, Words with Friends, or even Plants vs. Zombies. Games that require a Facebook plug-in. Games that you only play when you're at the end of your rope with boredom.



Six Ways to Tell if Your Weekend is Going to Suck

Cleaning is your last resort, a sort of Hail Mary to save the weekend. You deciding to clean your house is practically declaring to the world, "Well, I have done absolutely nothing today, so I might as well do something to keep my mind occupied." That's what patients in nursing homes do to keep their mind from going. You have just assumed the role of an eighty-year-old man in the throes of dementia.



Six Ways to Tell if Your Weekend is Going to Suck

If you have the time to watch the entirety of "Shaun of the Dead" on Comedy Central with commercial breaks without any sense of urgency, that's a bad sign. Just right off the bat, if you have two and a half hours where absolutely no one contacts you, it's a clear indicator that nothing of note will happen to you this weekend. Your weekend will absolutely suck.



Six Ways to Tell if Your Weekend is Going to Suck

You're sitting on your couch at 1:45 on a Saturday afternoon watching a rerun of King of Queens on TBS when you hear a buzz. It could be your phone, it could be the traffic outside, it could be the TV, it could be your PHONE!!! It could be someone from the outside world rescuing you from this absolute bore of a weekend. You run to the coffee table where you left your phone, you pick up your phone, you slide to unlock and you see… absolutely nothing, nothing but an open game of Tiny Wings. If you are at the point where you are getting excited, key word, excited at the mere possibility of a text, then your weekend is going to suck.



Six Ways to Tell if Your Weekend is Going to Suck

Calling your grandparents is a sign of defeat. Those are the people in your life that will never, ever turn away your call. I mean, sure, it'll make them happy and you'll finally have someone to talk to, but at what cost? I mean, what are you going to talk to them about? You'll tell them about your life and then you'll be regaled with the inevitable diatribe about how they came to this country in 1948 with nothing just to give you a better life and you'll sit there and feel like shit because you just spent the last half hour watching that episode of Seinfeld where George fights over a parking space in front of Jerry's building. In short, calling your grandparents means that you're throwing a Hail Mary and just hoping that something interesting happens. If you're that desperate, then your weekend is going to suck.



Six Ways to Tell if Your Weekend is Going to Suck

Let's be real, if you don't have any plans by Friday afternoon, you're probably not going to happen upon some awesome shit on Saturday. You dropped the ball on this one with your lack of planning, your weekend is going to suck and it's all your fault.