Welcome to Roommate Confessions, the column where we share the worst stuff you've done to your roommate. If you think you can top these stories, confess your sins at the bottom of this page.
Greg, I know most people that pull pranks with Nair do it all at once. Unfortunately for you, I took a little more time. For the past 3 years, I have been putting drops of Nair into your shampoo. As it turns out, this gives the appearance of balding.- Benny B.
Hi James, Remember when you passed out on the sofa from drinking and woke up with powder on your face and sholders. I was the one who put fairy liquid on you and washing powder on you. Someone else pored water on you that made it sting. You looked annoyed at the time but you didn't remember what happened after you woke up the next day.- Charlie C.
You play your drums too loud at night and piss off our neighbors. For months I can't study in my room because of your band practices. I am so sick of you playing your guitar obnoxiously when people come over to the house
For 3 months I have been sneaking downstairs and playing your drum set naked until I work up a nice sweat around my balls. After I would go up to your room and wipe the sweat off my balls on all of you guitar strings including the les paul
Maybe now you will learn to be quiet.- Kenny P.
Ever wonder why you're $150 facial cleanser lasted 12 weeks instead of the 6 like it was supposed to? Well you can thank me for the daily refills. Next time don't think you can get away with breaking both my TV and Xbox while I'm home for the weekend and blame it on me. Enjoy the acne!- Josh P.
You never clean anything in the house, your dishes are all over the place, your room smells like poop and sweat and axe spray. I'm the one who punched you in the nose last night when you were passed out in your bed. And I doubt you will clean your now bloody sheets either.- Joe K.
I steal your lime flavored Tostitos EVERY time you buy them. Also, when you messaged me after your 20 year old fat-ass had sex for the first time with your 22 year old socially inept loser boyfriend, I almost died laughing as I told our ENTIRE hallway and let them read the message. I also filled them in on how the most romantic thing he could say to you during the ordeal was: "What do I do next!?!"- Jackie M.
Hey, I know it must be nice having mommy and daddy pay for everything. However, some of us, myself included, have to work to pay for rent and school and food. So I would appreciate it if you would keep your annoying voice down at midnight or 2 in the morning when I'm trying to sleep so that I can wake up at 5 AM and work before going to a full day of classes. Also, with that expense account mom and dad give you, you should be able to buy some toilet paper for the apartment. I've bought it for the last 2 months. In the meantime, I'll continue to use your toothbrush to scrub my vibrator after every time I use it and need to clean it. Hope you don't mind!- Christine M.
I posted my roommate's girlfriend's phone number in the Craigslist Erotic Services section. For about a week she got calls from people at all hours of the day thinking she was hooker, until she had to change her phone number. That's what she gets for pretending like she owned the place even though she didn't pay rent, ate all our food, and used our TV to watch Twilight instead of the NCAA tournament.- Alex R.
my sophomore year i roomed with a kid from my hometown who was a pretty decent guy, but his girlfriend was a total whore, she would always come over to our place and eat MY food and watch oprah and shit on my $2000 HDTV everyday.. so one day when she was over she had mentioned something about needing to write a paper for her woman's studies class so i let her use my laptop with a plan in my mind.. after finishing the paper she went to get her flash drive, i got on the computer and auto-corrected her paper so every can't would be replaced by the word cunt. her professor was a big time feminist and failed the paper. the best part was the line "when women demanded the right to vote men would simply tell them "you cunt." that'll teach her to quit watching FUCKIN OPRAH at my place-J.D.