Welcome to Rough Love, the column where we share your craziest, funniest, most embarrassing dating related stories. If you think you can top this batch of rough loving, submit your story at the bottom of this page.

My Girlfriend and the Policemans Balls


My girlfriend isn't exactly the best driver but has been known to be able to slip out of the occasional speeding ticket with her aphrodite like charm. A few weeks ago we were taking a road trip to Alice Springs, as we were on the freeway and leaving NSW a policeman (predictably) pulled me and my girlfriend over as he flipped open his ticket book to write my girl friend a ticket she said to him "I don't suppose your writing me a ticket to the policeman's ball?" he promptly smirked and said "Sorry hon, NSW Policemen don't have balls" There was a brief pause he closed his ticket book bid us a good day and drove off.- Jacob G.

One night my study buddy ( who is now my girlfriend) and I where sick of studying for this intensive test in Comparative Anatomy and decided to go back to her place for what I will call a study break. She could not remember that a stergent fell under the classification of actinopterygian and I was determined to get her to remember it. So as we where fooling around in bed about ready to do the dirty, I wispered into her ear, "what classification does a stergent fall under?" she bursted out in laughter and from there on out the mood was killed for the night, but now when we have sex, the safty word is actinopterygian.- Bryan L.

My first high school girlfriend was an absolute bombshell, but very… well, stupid. Seeing as how I wasn't the most popular guy in the world, I accepted the fact that a hot chick actually wanted to date me. I knew we wouldn't work out when we were fooling around one night and I wanted to score. We were naked and I asked if I should grab a condom. Her response: "I can't. George Bush thinks using condoms isn't part of God's plan". My blue-balls broke up with her for me.- Rob B.

Back in high school, me and a friend of mine used to fool around a lot. However, she had the reputation of a good girl, and that she was waiting to be out of school to be in a relationship, so we just became friends with benefits, without telling anyone. This slowly developed into what we called 'sneaking'. To do this, since we both hung out with the same group of friends, we'd try to fool around right in front of them, without them noticing. This continued on for about a month or two until our school had [School Name] in Action (kind of like an open day for the school). Anyway, we were standing out at the front of the school, and feeling like it I outstretched my hand and down the back of her pants while standing close enough for the parent that we were talking to in front of us not to notice. Only to then be tapped on the shoulder by the principal of my very Christian school, with the two deputy principals and about 30 prospective families behind him, all staring at us. We got four weeks detention and had to write apologies to every single family who saw us. The worst part? When everyone knew what we were doing, it stopped being fun.- Anonymous

I don't usually drink a lot of alcohol, and had never been drunk before this event: Last weekend my boyfriend and I went out with some of his friends from work. We started pre-drinks at one of the guy's places. I'd had a bottle of cider, a swig from a bottle of vodka, and I was on a vodka and cranberry I'd nicked off someone… a mug of vodka and cranberry… over half of it vodka apparently. I fell asleep, and the next thing I can remember is being curled up on the sofa repeating that my boyfriend loved his best friend more than me. Next thing I've been moved into a bedroom (apparently I started screaming) and am calling him a liar and that he's never loved me. Next waiting for a taxi by the door, refusing to let go of him and screaming whenever anyone spoke. Then being in bed, insisting I give him a blowjob, while he tried to stop me. We've been fighting since then, and I daren't pick him up from work anymore. Never. Drinking. Again.- Kirsty R.

When I was in fourth grade, everyone in music class had to choose an instrument they would play in the school band/orchestra. The system must have been calculated by rocket scientists: raise your hand for the instrument you want to play. Being the suave 9-year-old that I was I decided to raise my hand a second after the girl I had a crush on raised hers. I watched as all the boys raised their hands for the cool instruments: trumpet, trombone, tuba, percussion (that's the one I really wanted) when the teacher began to list the string instruments and damn it all she hadn't raised her hand. He said cello. She raised her hand. I raised mine. We were the only two raising our hands. Needless to say she caught on… and dropped out of playing the cello. Two years later I "dropped" it "on accident" breaking the fingerboard clean off. Because the breakage was "accidental" my mom got her deposit back. Bittersweet?- T. Ryan

My boyfriend & i just had a kid. He comes & visits me on the weekends as he lives a few hours away because of his job. This past weekend, the baby & i made the trip to go & see him. Later that night after we arrived & the baby went to sleep, he & i started fooling around. He only has one bedroom so the baby was sleeping in the playpen near the bed. When we're about to do it….as he's entering me, he says to our son "Close your eyes. Daddy's about to fuck Mommy."- B. H.

My senior year of highschool i dated a girl who had a gay father, whos boyfriend lived with them. This didnt bug me, but it made trying to have sex at her house extremly risky, since her dad and his boyfriend could rip me in two pretty easily. Well, one day im at her house and her dad and his bf leave, so we decide to go ahead and have sex. I take off my glasses and we start to go at it. Halfway through she gets on top of me and holds down my arms while she rides me. About 10 seconds after that the door bursts open and slams against the wall, and all i see with my fuzzy vision is a guy standing with his hand on the door. I have a near heart attack and try to roll off the bed, but my ex had collapsed on top of my laughing and wouldnt let me up. Turns out it was her brother who had walked in to screw with us, but without my glasses he looked like her dad. Needless to say i couldnt finish, was freaked out for the rest of the night, and never had sex with her at her house again.- Ozie B.

A few years ago I was engaged to this guy, who had to move for a job change. We agreed that we'd still get married and whatnot…. Three days after he leaves (Christmas Day actually) he informs me that I'm cheating on him and we can't be together. The guy he thought I was cheating on him with is gay. And was a virgin at the time anyway.- Anonymous