Tensions have been high between President Obama and Vladimir Putin ever since Russia granted Edward Snowden asylum. Meetings have been cancelled. Shoulders have been cold. For real, they're, like, super pissed at each other.
Illustrated by Nathan Yaffe.
By Will Stephen
Tensions have been high between President Obama and Vladimir Putin ever since Russia granted Edward Snowden asylum. Meetings have been cancelled. Shoulders have been cold. They're, like, super pissed at each other. For serious.
P: what do u want
P: ...u im'd me, what do u want
O: ummm.... just saying hi?
P: well im busy sry
O: oh so im not allowed to IM u now?
P: u can do whatever u want, it doesnt mean ill respond tho
P: ALRIGHT FINE
P: HEY FRIEND!!!! WHATS UP????
P: uh, clearly not true
O: its just like
O: ok im having friend problems
O: and like
O: idk maybe im crazy
O: but it seems like this friend doesnt want to be friends anymore
P: what does that even mean
O: it means like.... dsfdsanfljdsanfjds ok well basically this friend granted asylum to a prominent american dissident
P: uh huh
O: which is kind of a slap in the face, u kno?
P: sort of...
O: its just like dont do that if we're friends, kno what i mean?
P: i meeeeean
P: i think its also important to maybe CONSIDER that this friend runs his own country and can do what he wants?
O: and i get that
O: but like... no
P: ok i mean maybe thats the source of ur problems with this friend, is like... not respecting that this friend can kind of do what he wants without it having ANYTHING to do w u, idk
P: like maybe hes just secure enough to not care what people think about his decisions and ur not?
O: oh but it def DOES have to do w me because things have been weird btw our groups of friends for like decades, like our history is totally awkward, so just to like up and do that is like WOW
P: ok but at the same time friendship is complicated and sometimes u have to forgive u kno?
O: OOOOOOR sometimes u have to be mature about it and apologize?
P: well maybe ur friend might find it easier to apologize if u didnt cancel meetings with that friend just because u got all jealous about him hanging out with a guy ur obsessed with
O: HA. no. am not jealous.
P: just sayin... maybe u should stop spying on ur own people then
O: well maybe that friend should stop acting like he doesnt have a history of doing just that times a thousand
P: well maybe u should have the guts to say that to his face
O: well maybe that friend should stop arresting gay people for being gay
P: well maybe u should be tolerant of other peoples beliefs
O: WELL MAYBE THAT FRIEND SHOULD LISTEN TO WHAT HE JUST SAID AND TAKE A GOOD LONG LOOK IN THE MIRROR
P: OK F*CK THIS
P: QUIT BEING A B*TCH AND JUST DEAL W IT
P: I MEAN WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!?!?
O: why would you yell
P: WHAT R U TALKING ABOUT
O: well im crying now so good job
P: stop i didnt want that
O: well u got it
P: look sometimes u just kinda piss me off IM SORRY
P: I WANT TO BE UR FRIEND BUT U NEED TO RESPECT ME AND MY GRIP ON INORDINATE POWER
O: i cant deal w this rite now
P: dont go
O: i have to
P: STOP, NOW I'M CRYING
O: WELL I GUESS WE BOTH LOSE
[Barack Obama's warning level has been increased to 17%.]
O: WHAT WHY'D YOU DO THAT?!
P: BECAUSE UR AN IMMATURE DICK
[Vladimir Putin's warning level has been increased to 17%.]
P: o f*ck u
[Vladimir Putin's warning level has been increased to 34%.]
O: I HATE U!!!!!!!
P: blocking u bye
P: ps edwards right next to me and he says hi
P: talk to u never
O: OH THAT WON'T BE A PROBLEM
P: remember i have nukes
O: me too
O: i miss u
Vladimir Putin has signed off.