1. They use every possible paper alternative instead of buying new toilet paper
Why should anyone walk FOUR MINUTES to the convenience store when that wasp's nest is right out the window and rich in pulp? It's basically the same thing.
2. You notice them eating out of a clearly-wrong bowl with a clearly-wrong utensil
Hmm, either every dish is dirty and he's avoiding them, or he really does prefer eating cereal out of a champagne flute with a mechanical pencil?
3. You find a huge pizza box jammed in the fridge with one slice left in it
I realize you used the rest of our plastic wrap making that failed Beer Slip n' Slide at our last party, so I'll just passive-aggressively leave this aluminum foil next to your pillow.
4. They constantly wear clothing that no one who's done laundry in the past calendar year would ever think about wearing
I'm not disputing your claim that a bank pen on a chain will hold up your cargo shorts as well as any belt, I'm just saying it'd be fun to stand at complete opposite ends of the room for this entire party.
5. They own between three and seven garbage bags that are never explained
What's in those? Clothes? Can't be, because he'd open them and wear some. Actual garbage? No, he's not clean enough to properly fill and tie seven garbage bags. The only possible explanation is that it's full of secret treasure. Filthy, filthy treasure.
6. They attempt to explain their philosophical theory about what the word "Clean" even really means
...But did you wear those lime green sweatpants you've slept in the past eleven nights to your Intro To Philosophy class?
7. Every time you order pizza, they insist they don't want any, then they eat a slice when the pizza comes and say "I'll give you some money if it's that big a deal"
This isn't messy-related, but you are in for a terrible, terrible year. Have fun!
(Pics via Shutterstock)