There's so much to be thankful for in this wonderful world of ours. You could be thankful for this ultra-creative article topic. You could be thankful that you're reading this instead of finishing up that paper "that was totally due last week, dude." You could be thankful the test came back negative. Anyway you look at it, this world is full of things to be thankful for and I am no different. Hell, I'm thankful for a lot of things, like"
*My Roommates. Whenever I let the dishes build up in the sink for weeks, I know they will do them and make some passive aggressive comment to me about it. Whenever I'm sad I know I can go to them and they will show me that their lives are so bad that I don't have anything to be sad about at all. Whenever I get lonely I know that they're no more than 1.2 feet away. And whenever I wonder what a guy doing a goat would look like, they'll gladly put a picture of that up as my computer background to show me.
*My Parents. Whenever I get a big head and a boastful mouth they'll remind me that nothing I do could ever be better than what my sister does. Whenever my bank account runs dry they'll remind me that normal kids "aren't spoiled little brats and work for their gosh-darn money, you little shit." Whenever I call at night they'll remind me that "60 Minutes" is on and Dan Rather is more important than whatever stupid crap I have to say is. And whenever I go home for a holiday they'll remind me that the yard needs to be raked and the house needs to be painted" at the same time.
*My Neighbors. Whenever I wonder if any of them have a handgun, they'll all shoot theirs in the air to remind me. Whenever I wonder if my car has anything of value in it, they'll smash the window and take the valuables out so I'll be more appreciative next time. Whenever I wonder if anyone else notices I'm white, they'll gladly remind me by saying, "Whatchoo lookin at, white boy? Huh? You wanna make somefin outta it?" And whenever I wonder what extremely loud hip hop sounds like at 5 AM, they'll park their car in front of my house and let me listen.
*My Dog. Whenever I wonder if any animal could eat a dead raccoon, he'll show me how. Whenever I think about humping a pillow, he'll show me how. Whenever I dream about licking my privates, he'll let me know that it is as good as I imagine it to be. Whenever I wonder if anything could live in a cage that's half its size, he'll look out from behind the bars and answer my question without saying a word. And whenever I think that nothing in the world could possibly enjoy the smell of my ass, he'll prove me wrong.
*All of you. Whenever my writing teacher tells me I have no talent, some of you somehow think I do. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror and see a fat, pale loser, some of you still say I'm "fat" but cute" kinda." Whenever I want to put off doing schoolwork, I can always write an article and use you to justify it. But mostly, I wanted to thank you for reading. It means a lot to me and I thought this would be a good time to thank you all for it. Happy Thanksgiving. And remember, don't try to have sex after you eat a lot of turkey because you'll fall asleep and embarrass yourself.